10 Questions Every Parenting Couple Should Ask Themselves
bySabrina Joy Stevens
Sometimes I feel like I cheated the system when I married my best friend. Because we'd spent time getting to know each other before we ever got romantically involved, we had a lot of information about each other that helped assisted us once we decided to start a family. Still, as the kind of person who likes to unpack and analyze everything, I also made sure we asked (and continue to ask) each other the kinds of questions every parenting couple should ask themselves. I know it's easy — especially when you love and get along well with someone — to just assume that they see things the way you do. I also know that assuming leads to unspoken expectations, and unspoken expectations frequently lead to disappointment (or worse).
Nothing can ever make being in any kind relationship totally problem-free. Relationships are crucial for our well-being but they require effort, and there will always be some conflicts and other challenges. Thankfully, being clear and upfront about what matters to both of you can help immensely. Knowing where you and your partner stand on key questions about your family life can help you avoid unpleasant surprises, and can help you both be intentional and proactive about how you choose to parent and how you go about creating the kind of environment you want for your kids. All of that can help you head off the kinds of toxic (as opposed to productive) conflicts that can stress families to the breaking point.
It's great — maybe even ideal, to start having these kinds of conversations before becoming parents together — but these should be ongoing conversations, too. Life changes after your actual kids arrive, and the way you answer some of these questions will probably change, too. They may change even more as your kids grow up, or as your circumstances, views, beliefs, and knowledge shift. These certainly aren't the only questions folks can or should ask themselves, but hopefully they can be a handy place to start.