10 Ways You Don't Realize You’re Angering Stepmoms
bySabrina Joy Stevens
Stepfamilies are very common, but because our society's typical image of a family includes a married couple and their biological children, all of us who live in the huge number of American families that don't fit that mold often have to deal with a lot of awkward and even hurtful assumptions about ourselves and our families; especially stepmothers. You may not intend to, but there are plenty of ways you don't realize you're angering stepmoms unless you either 1) are a stepmom yourself and know all the common pitfalls or 2) are really close to a stepmom who's already schooled you on how to talk to her about it (or, how not to).
According to Pew Research Center, more than four in 10 adults count at least one step-relative among their family members. In other words, there's a lot of us. I really enjoy being a stepmom, and consider myself incredibly lucky to have my amazing stepdaughter in my life. Still, it's a really challenging role. Indeed, I personally find being a stepmom to be harder than being a biological mom, largely because of how frequently other people outside of my immediate family misunderstand, overlook, or flat out don't respect stepmoms. As a stepmom, I have to constantly work to be regarded and treated as a legitimate member of my own family — a struggle I just don't have when it comes to my biological son. There are plenty of other challenges that make stepmothering uniquely demanding, but stepmoms frequently don't have the necessary support to deal with those challenges.
It definitely doesn't help when the people around us, whom we often turn to for support, inadvertently say and do things that reinforce our sense of being the "other," or that show they really haven't made any effort to consider how we feel or how tough our situations can be. But given how common stepmoms and stepfamilies are, it's time people stopped regarding us as whatever "wicked" stereotype they've picked up from books and movies, and started being more considerate of us as real flesh-and-blood people who are doing our best to make our families happy, just like everyone else.