Life
As we creep past the last day of school and summer begins in earnest, concerned mom boards everywhere begin to discuss something that has been discussed since the dawn of mom boards (probably): should you buy your daughter a bikini? People have the feels on this one, everybody. Strong feels. Confused feels. Angry feels. Indignant feels. Pearl-clutching feels. Basically all the feels. Discussion can get thorny, mired, and hostile. It's a metaphorical minefield out there, so let's try to navigate this together, shall we?
I should start with a full disclosure. The adorable, bikini-clad kid pictured above? That's my daughter. Yes, my daughter wearing a bikini. So I'm pretty solidly on "Team Let The Kid Wear A Bikini." However, "Team Kids Should Not Wear Bikinis," I get you. Your team makes some really, really excellent arguments, and I respect any parents' decision when it comes to their own child. At the same time, of course, I think my particular team makes some really, really excellent arguments as well, which is why, at the end of the day, I can understand why the whole "should your daughter wear a bikini" discussion/argument/debate is complex and passionate and difficult to traverse.
Still, regardless of what team you inevitably land on, I do think there are questions both teams can consider useful in assisting parents in deciding what choice works for them. Hey, being a parent is hard, and while we want our children to love and accept and never be ashamed of their bodies, we also want to protect them to the best of our ability. With that in mind, I think we can all agree that asking ourselves the following questions before making an informed decision, is the best way to go.
"Are You Prepared To Guide Her Through Other People's Potential Reactions To Her In A Bikini?"
Because no matter how old a female body is, it is frequently, usually, considered public property and up for discussion, debate, judgment, and control by a patriarchal society that seems hell-bent on keeping a sexist status quo. Comments questioning the appropriateness of the bikini, how she looks in it (positive and negative), and even well meaning "You go, girls!" or fawning attention may well abound. This, in turn, may inspire you to discuss these reactions with your daughter, so I think it's important to consider what you will say (or won't say) beforehand.
"Are You Considering Sun Protection Issues?"
More exposed skin means more sun exposure. Now, this isn't necessarily a huge deal, because sunscreen is awesome and sometimes you're not going to be outside for a substantial amount of time. Still, if you're doing a full day at the beach, the sun can do some serious damage to delicate kid skin. It's probably for the best to ask yourself if you are prepared to spend a little more time reapplying sunscreen to more places.
"Are You Making Assumptions About Who Does/Should/Shouldn't Wear Bikinis?"
For a myriad reasons already listed above, I think it's important to examine and re-examine our own biases, prejudices, and presumptions, while simultaneously questioning if what we take for granted is, in fact, a fact. Do we harbor subconscious ideas that certain body types shouldn't wear bikinis and that's influencing our response to our daughters? Are we unknowingly slut shaming our kids? Is worrying about how their body will be sexualized by others actually buying into the idea that their bodies, even as children, are sexual objects?
Again, seriously guys: I don't know.
(The first bag of Doritos is gone. I've moved on to Oreos. Oreos will take the pain away.)
"Are You Being Naive In Thinking Of It Exclusively As A Neutral Garment?"
Yes, ultimately, all clothes are just pieces of fabric with no thoughts or feelings and could hypothetically be worn by anyone reflecting nothing but the wearer's character, culture, politics, or ideas. However, while this assessment can often be true, so too can the assessment that any garment has cultural baggage and that some garments (almost always garments traditionally worn by women, might I add) are more prone to this sort of thing than most. So, is recognizing that a bikini is just something you put on your body, pushing past the made up crap that people have projected onto them, willfully ignoring some pretty basic concepts of what clothing is and does?
"Is This Whole Conversation A Scary Realization That Navigating The World With A Female Body Is A Horrifying And Never-Ending Hellscape Of Contradiction And Confusion?"
YES.
*chugs down five of those ridiculously fancy milkshakes that were all over social media a couple months ago*
"What Is The Best Way To Stick It To The Patriarchy?"
Repeat after me: I. Don't. Know. I just, you know, don't.
Then again, I guess I should rephrase that. I do know what feels right for me and my daughter, I just don't know what completely logical, sound, feminist conclusion you will reach for your family. I honestly don't think there is really a right or wrong way to look at this. There are any number of completely reasonable, thoughtful, body positive, non-slut shaming, appropriate responses to whether a girl should have parental approval on the subject of wearing a bikini. The important thing is that we consider them.