Life
Potty training sucks, I'm not going to lie. Up and down with the pull-ups; pulling over at every gas station on a 25 minute car trip; cleaning pee (and occasionally poop) off the carpet; the list literally goes on and on. The only good thing about potty training is that it, eventually, ends. Still, as much as it can and usually does suck, there are things that are definitely worse than potty training. So, you know, at least us parents have that going for us, right?
When my son was learning to use the potty we did a lot of diaper-free time, so I was constantly cleaning up rogue pee. In fact, I was cleaning up so much wayward urine that I started to think my kid was doing it on purpose, just for sh*ts and giggles (pun intended). I started to grow more and more convinced that he would never really get the hang of potty training, and I would one day have to send my kid to college with a pack of diapers. As a 3-year-old toddler he was still in diapers and, let me tell you, there are very few things in this world that are worse than a 3-year-old toddler's poop-filled diaper (and the cleanup that follows). Thankfully, it clicked with him shortly after his third birthday and we never looked back. Now I'm looking forward to starting over the whole potty training process again, with baby number two. Yay.
However, I've realized that no matter how awful potty training seems to be, there are worse things you could be experiencing. No, it's true. There really are. I know it's hard to believe, so here's a little list to help you gain some necessary perspective in the middle of all that pee.
Yeast Infections
We'll just start with the worst and get it out of the way. Yeast infections make potty training seem like a day at the damn spa. The only thing worse than having one is getting one treated. Thank God for Amazon, because buying yeast infection medication at your local pharmacy is hella embarrassing.
Pap Smears
Why hasn't science come up with a less terrible way to make sure your lady parts are in good working order? You're letting us down, science. I'm disappointed in you.
Calling Tech Support
I'd rather just do without something than call tech support to get it fixed, if I'm being honest. I can unplug and replug something by myself thank you very much, and if "fixing" whatever is apparently broken requires more than that, I'll just deal. Who needs a laptop anyway, right?
Returns Lines The Day After Christmas
What kind of fresh hell is the return line, anyway? That black hole of consumer spending is like Black Friday in reverse, where everyone is pissed because someone didn't know you well enough to gift accordingly.
Root Canals
If you've never had one, you should do you damnedest to maintain good dental hygiene, because root canals are almost as bad as pap smears. If you have to have one, ask for laughing gas. (Laughing gas is the only good thing about the whole ordeal.)
Childbirth
The thing that made you have to potty train in the first place is way worse than actually potty training. So, just be thankful you don't have to go through something as painful and taxing as labor and delivery again. Well, I mean, unless you do decide to go through something as painful and taxing as labor and delivery, again. Then, well, you're on your own.
Exercise
Because, ugh.
Starting Your Period At Exactly The Wrong Time
White pants? Swimming? That's when your period decides to happen. That's when it always decides to happen.
Teaching Your Grandparents How To Use Their New Smartphone
Kill me now.
The worst, of course, is when you're trying to teach your grandparents something over the phone, and you can't actually see what they're doing and they can't actually watch you demonstrate. "Gear thingy" and, "What's a browser?" and, "How can I get my email here when it's on my computer," are enough to make me want to forsake technology forever and move to some remote location sans wifi.
The Series You've Been Binge Watching Ending
Hello darkness my old friend. There is nothing that makes me feel more lost or adrift in a cruel, cruel world than the end of a binge-worthy series.
The Pizza Guy Bringing The Wrong Order
If I'm starving and I've been looking forward to that first bite of cheesy, melty goodness for hours on end, only to open up that beautiful pizza box and find some monstrosity with anchovies on it, I'm going to be livid. Livid, I tell you.
