I have met moms at the playground and, before I even knew their names, knew what type of vaginal tearing they experienced in childbirth. Fortunately, I am not a particularly squeamish person. Maybe that's why these moms find themselves drawn to me: they know I can provide a safe space to spill their guts on subjects like, well, spilling your guts. Motherhood, not just birth, is so physical and body-focused in a way most of adult life isn't, so sometimes need to be able to talk it through with someone who understands.

This is the mom who always has whatever you need or somehow forgot. An extra bottle of water. A snack. A diaper. A hair tie. A spit-up towel. A toy both your kids can play with. You name it and she can Mary Poppins it out of her bag. I'm eternally grateful for every one of these witchy women. And, certainly, there will be times when you are the conjuring mom who can help someone out. It's a delicate balance and never-ending cycle of sisterhood.

It's very popular for people to hate on the cellphone mom —you know, the one who spends her time at the playground on a bench scrolling through Instagram and texting. I, however, do not hate on her. Or hate her. Or feel anything other than a very real fondness for her. Scroll on, mama! You've earned this time!

She's not "missing out" on quality time with her children, people. There's a pretty good chance she's been having "quality time" with her children all day and that's why she's brought them to the playground in the first place. The kids are playing, she's handling things. So again, I ask: what is the damn problem? Let a lady live, for goodness sake.

One thing that impressed me about most of the playgrounds I've visited is that everyone there is a parent, so naturally everyone is just kind of keeping an eye on all the kids. Like, yeah, you're focused primarily on your own, but you're kind of keeping an eye on everyone, making sure everything is OK and everyone is being safe. And sometimes, one of those parents will swoop in and get your kid out a predicament that conspired in the .45 seconds you had your back turned.

And, as with the Conjuring Mom, sometimes you need her and sometimes you are her.

This is the mom that seems to be having a genuinely good time playing alongside her kids. Some people like to hate on this mom, too, because she's "making everyone else look bad" or whatever. But you know what? LET FUN MOM LIVE, YOU GUYS! Maybe her time with her kids is limited and she really wants to dive in. Maybe she naturally has a lot of energy. Maybe she's just a goofball and likes playing Cinderella Tag or whatever weird game their kid has invented. It's cool. She's not invalidating anything you're doing. Let her be and smile at her wacky antics.

This is the mom who, somehow, knows everyone and absolutely everything that's going on for the next month.

"Oh, did you hear about the Strawberry and Bunny Festival that's happening on the playing field of the middle school a town over next weekend? I'll send you a link!"

"Oh, did you sign her up for the Tumbling Tikes class through the Rec Center? I think there are three spaces left. Registration closes in four days and the fee is $50 for six weeks. You're going to want to call Eleanor at Parks and Rec. Here's her number."

"Oh, you're having difficulty nursing? Let me give you my friend Jane's number! She runs a lactation support group every Wednesday."

How are you so on top of literally everything that's going on? Where do you learn all this information? Teach me your ways.

For a confluence of mostly really crappy reasons, stay-at-home dads are pretty rare. As a result, they face all of the same issues stay-at-home moms face (isolation, burn out, etc.) but have an even smaller support network. On the occasions when I've seen stay-at-home dads and their kids on the playground, they're generally less likely to join in a conversation with the moms. Yet, nine times out of 10, when I say hello, they latch on to conversation like it's a door floating among the wreckage of the Titanic. Everyone adult needs to talk to another adult sometimes. Kids are cute, but it takes a while for them to become even halfway decent conversationalists.

They have come to the playground with their spreadsheets and cellphone and files and they are somehow managing to do it all. I stand in awe of these folks, because this is so not me. I'm not an unorganized garbage person or anything, but I do not have the wherewithal to juggle everything they're juggling, and I salute them for their fortitude and ability to multitask.

A lot of the times I feel like you just kind of know — they have a look or a vibe or a way of speaking that you just recognize. But you slowly float some things by them and watch their reaction. You'll mention Trump. You'll talk about the Women's March. You'll bring up Black Lives Matter. You'll ask if they heard the latest about the Border Wall debate. Generally, whenever I've done this, my initial guess of "they seem like they're on my level" turns out to be correct, and that's always a nice feeling. It's like in Fight Club when you see someone on the street with a black eye and you just knowingly nod to each other.

I feel like there's always one. You find some sort of tenuous connection and through a series of "Oh, do you know...?"questions figure out at least one person you have in common, and it's always really weird but fun. This doesn't just happen in small communities, either.

There was this nanny who used to go to the same playground and omg she had it going on. I don't know how every outfit was so impeccably chic (maybe because she was French?) but she brought it every damn day and I could only bask in her glory. And it's not like she wasn't running around with the kids like the rest of us; she just managed to look amazing while doing it and in a way I could barely fathom.

On a weekend this isn't a big deal. But during the week it's like "Wait... how are both of you here right now? Did you both call in? Do you work unusual hours? Are you independently wealthy? What is this? I'm impressed and confused."

Not every trip to the playground is going to be a revelation, but sometimes you run into someone who says just the right thing at the right time to keep you going. Because other parents know what's up, and the playground is a good place to be reminded that we're not alone in this.