They say the days are long but the years are short, and sometimes the days feel like actual years. On those days when you wipe someone else's butt three times before 9 a.m. and clean multiple spills before you've had your coffee, you might find that you're the one that needs a time out in order to avoid losing it.

Forget prince charming, I'd take an entourage of woodland creatures to do my dishes and fold my laundry over a tiara any day. I mean, Disney offered no warning about how many outfits such a tiny person could go through.

It's a miracle kids don't starve with all of the places their food ends up besides their mouths. Lets just hope the Cheerios in the dog bowl wasn't a "I'll trade you half my lunch for half of yours" type situation.

Why is it that kids who aren't hungry during dinner always manage to work up an appetite right before bed? As my mom used to say, "kitchen's closed."

You know what they say, nothing's truly lost until mom can't find it. Sometimes you wonder if they even looked or just walked into the other room for show before yelling "Mom."

Only people without kids would compare parenting to anything resembling leisure. There truly is no hood like motherhood.

It's crazy to think that your most prized possession grew inside of you. It likely wasn't an easy job, but damn was it well done.

Is this what normal people feel like all the time?

No I won't die but it won't be pretty. Now hand Mommy the cold cup of coffee she poured right before your last meltdown.

Sometimes you spend so much time dressing your baby to the nines that you forget about yourself. I for one would like to petition to save the nice clothes for the people who don't spit up on them and grow out of them in a month.

That's cute. How about two, maybe three non-consecutive three hour naps?

It's easy to start the day with the best of intentions, but come hour 12, those things that made you smile in the morning may not be so cute. Moms are only humans, and contrary to popular belief, they do have a finite amount of patience.

Remember the days when you set an alarm? Slept until 11? R.I.P. Now sleeping until 8 is a treat and you often do a whole list of chores before 9 a.m. Sigh.

Nothing makes you appreciate having a real conversation with someone over the age of four like staying at home with your kids all day. In fact, the opportunity to speak to a person that can respond with more than a gurgle may even occasion putting on a real outfit.

Sometimes that constant loop of inner dialogue just isn't enough to sustain you until your partner gets home. Hey lady at the grocery store check-out, weren't you wondering about the state of my son's digestion?

To think you ever lamented only having only two days off per week. Ha. Now try not to fall asleep as you're tucking the kids in, it's adult time!

Sometimes bed time just isn't soon enough and you. need. out. Sorry honey, your turn!

Remember when you thought waking up before 8 on a weekend was a chore? So young, so naive.

People call it "mom brain." I call it sleep deprivation is real and a tactic used to get information out of terrorists and I've been subject to it for years.

In the life of a SAHM, there is no such thing as leaving the office on Friday and putting work out of your head until Monday. There is no "work-life balance." The work starts early, ends late, and often requires waking up in the middle of the night. It's all day, every day, holidays included.

Imagine if you had to commute to your house each day? The coffee that could get drunk hot instead of being left in the microwave...

Sometimes you've got to decided whether an hour of cleaning is worth the half hour of cleanliness. When you have kids, the mess knows no bounds.

When you're caring for children all day, conversations that don't involve negotiating how many peas need to be eaten can be a huge relief. But sometimes you forget the rules of adult speak (and all the sleep deprivation can't help.) Don't worry, we've all been there.

Oh just about an infinite number of tasks. And how many butts did you wipe today?

There are things you want, and then there are things you need. And sometimes, when you're at home with your kids all day, wine is a need. So go ahead, add it to the grocery list and start counting down the minutes until bedtime.