True story: My husband called himself a feminist long before I did. In fact, I've known him since he was 13, and I've never known that not to be an important part of his identity. According to him, he does not remember a time when that wasn't. (I know, I know: some ladies get all the luck, and by "all the luck" I mean "all my husband" and by "some ladies" I mean "me.")
If you knew him and where he comes from, this all makes perfect sense. He has described both sides of his family as "matriarchies." He was raised by a remarkable mother who oozes strength and perseverance out of every pore, who extolled the importance of gender equality and feminism from his earliest years. Me? Despite a similarly badass mother and personal espousing feminist ideals, I was less willing to take on the title. By the time we started dating, however, we both had full-diesel feminism coursing through our Liberal veins going straight to our compassionate, bleeding hearts.
Do you know what it's like to date (and then marry) a raging feminist? Effing awesome. It's like Elizabeth Cady Stanton and bell hooks doing a tango in your soul to the musical stylings of Missy Elliot. Do you know what it's like to raise children with one? Effing awesomer, like a Mooncup emblazoned with a picture of all the Golden Girls being delivered to your door by noted feminist hotties Jon Hamm and Amber Rose as they hold a basket full of kittens.
"That sounds great!" you say, "Do you think my husband (or boyfriend) could become a feminist?" What a great question! The answer is yes, of course he could. But let me ask you a question: Is there a chance that he's already a feminist? Here are some telltale signs that you may have won the spousal and co-parent jackpot.
He Does Not Use Homophobic Slurs Or Gendered Insults
He recognizes it as dehumanizing, degrading, damaging, and below his dignity.
He Is Concerned About Gender Portrayals In The Media
Just as children learn through play, they learn through the media they consume as well, and feminist dads worry about what message is being sent. Are his sons constantly encouraged to be violent, domineering, and thoughtless? Are his daughters even seeing female characters on the screen, let alone any with agency (hell, we'll settle for lines or a personality trait that isn't "being a girl")? Movies, books, and TV shows are carefully vetted. If some sexist bullcrap slips past the goalie (and it will #feministparentproblems), a feminist dad calls it out and contextualizes it so that his kids don't just accept the status quo as a naturally occurring order, but rather a system constructed and maintained to keep certain people down.