I’ve literally been babysitting children and changing their diapers since I was 10. So I thought that I would be a relative expert in diaper-changing once my baby was born. I can't figure out how my kid managed to poop and pee all over me, and as often as they did. Maybe it’s a matter of volume?

And once my kids were toddlers, they wiggled their way out of my clasp and got poop all over their legs, feet, back, and hands on a daily basis. Don't even ask me about changing tables. Apparently, I suck at changing diapers.

Before I had kids, I was one of those ridiculously neat people who actually enjoyed cleaning. When I brought my baby home from the hospital, I thought it would be relatively easy to clean up after such a tiny human, but no. I had no idea. And it get's worse. My house hasn't been entirely clean in almost a decade. Fortunately, I've stopped caring.

I used to be on time for everything. It actually annoyed the hell out of me when other people were late. I have no idea how to be on time for things now, though. Either I get ready too early, and then something happens like a potty accident or someone touching someone else, or we aren't even close to leaving on time and I might as well give up before I even make my way towards my front door. It's so embarrassing, but there's nothing I can do. It's a good thing my kids take the bus to school.

I have always understood how important it is to engage in regular self-care. Before kids, I would take time to hang out with friends, read for fun, go shopping at Ulta, get facials, and actually drink coffee when it was still hot. Now that I’m a mom, though, it’s so hard to carve out some time in my schedule for myself. I almost can never find the time, and when something's gotta give, I place myself on the back burner. It sucks.

I started doing my own laundry in elementary school. About once a week, I managed to gather, sort, wash, dry, fold, and put away my clothes. It’s easy. Right? Wrong. Laundry is impossible when you have kids. If I do manage to wash some clothes, half the time I forget that it’s in the washer and, as a result, I have to re-wash the entire load. Once a load is dry, it sits unfolded in a basket until someone wears an article of wrinkled clothing. Don't even ask about how often I iron. I'm pretty sure I have no idea where my iron is. It never ends.

Before I became a mom, I was super focused on climbing the corporate ladder. I thought it would be easy to maintain that momentum after my baby was born, but no. It's been a constant see-saw of trying to find balance between my career and my kids, and always managing to miss out on something, no matter how hard I try.

I remember staying up all night drinking tequila, then simply catching a nap the next day to make up for lost sleep. Then I became a mom and seem to have completely lost my ability to sleep. Sleeping when the baby sleeps is a damn lie, falling asleep is hard, and if I manage to get some shut eye my kids wake me up at night. I wish I were a cat.

If you ask me which part of motherhood is the most different than I expected, the answer is breastfeeding all day long. Breastfeeding is hard. In fact, it's much harder than I thought it would be. I took classes, read books, and thought it would be effortless, because everyone said how “natural“ it was. I soon realized that I had no idea what I was doing, breastfeeding was anything but natural for me, and was an uphill battle.

Check out Romper's new video series, Bearing The Motherload, where disagreeing parents from different sides of an issue sit down with a mediator and talk about how to support (and not judge) each other’s parenting perspectives. New episodes air Mondays on Facebook.