Life
For many people, the things that their mom says to them matter a lot. Her statements can really affect you, for better or for worse. And since she's human, she might not always say things that are phrased the right way, or she might let her emotions or the circumstances of the situation get the best of her. But if your mom ever says these things, it's actually abusive, not just something that might sting you for a moment and then pass or something that can just be brushed off.
There are many things that your mom (or anyone else) could say to you that would qualify as abusive, but some are more obvious than others. In some cases, you might be surprised to learn that some insults or seemingly off-handed remarks can be abusive. Statements that are belittling, bullying, blaming, bashing, or something else that's so negative and hurtful can all be considered abusive, Lauren Dummit, LMFT, CSAT, the clinical director and cofounder of Triune Therapy Group, tells Romper by email. These comments are damaging and hearing them from your mom or someone else who should love you and who you should trust can be especially difficult. If you hear these kinds of comments from your mom, turning to a therapist and encouraging her to get help too can make a real difference.
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"You Can't Do Anything Right"
No one wants to hear their mom say that they can't do anything right, but if she does, that's actually more abusive than just a throw-away comment that hurts your feelings a little bit. Celeste Viciere, LMHC, a licensed mental health clinician, author, and podcast host, tells Romper by email that if your mom makes you feel like you can't do anything right, that can be emotionally abusive. It's repeated criticism of everything you do and that can really wear on you.
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"You Don't Know Anything"
If your mom says anything about you being dumb, an idiot, or not knowing anything, that too is actually an abusive statement, Dummit says. She might not always agree with your choices, opinions, or behavior, but comments like these are crossing a line.
Hearing any of these things can be extremely difficult, but neither you nor your mom may have realized before that all can actually be abusive. Seeking the help of a qualified therapist can give you the support you need as you work through the damage done by these comments, and encouraging that your mom get help herself might help you both in the long-run.