Have a labradoodle who's about to graduate MIT with a bachlors in Chemical Engineering? Well, then you definitely need to snag this self-adhesive pet mortarboard and necktie combo! Just remember to take deep breaths and stay calm when Scruffles later tells you he wants to take a year off to pursue improv. And then proceeds to both eat and vomit up his tassel.

The ideal gift for anyone loves both marine invertebrates and Father Christmas. This 18 x 18 throw pillow featuring starfish in Santa hats is perfect for displaying on a love seat, rocking chair, or beneath a heavy crate at the back of a very dark closet.

Prime members can put the fox back in foxy with this deal on g-string panties with a plush tail attached. They're available in black, pink, and white, and according to a reviewer named Wendy, the fur is so smooth she can "wear it all day." Which makes me wonder if Wendy just wears a lot of dresses? Or if she walks around with a tell-tail (see what I did there?) bulge in her slacks? I wish Wendy had included a customer image.

Wouldn't it be funny if whenever you Googled Jeff Bezos the only thing that ever came up was: "He once sold Gilbert the Farting Giraffe for $1.60 off, for two days in July, in the year of our Lord 2019."

Nothing else. Nothing about building a global empire out of his garage, or being the richest human alive, or about that time he wore a puffer vest and aviators and everyone felt uncomfortable. Just...Gilbert.

So yeah, this is a stuffed giraffe that makes flatulence sounds when squeezed. The description pegs it to anyone who is "a giraffe lover or just loves fart humor." Which some may feel is a bit niche, while other may feel describes anyone whose heart has ever pumped blood.

This little item could clearly save some marriages, for I am certain there are many who find themselves contemplating divorce lawyers upon looking down into their sink and seeing their partner's 1000 beard hairs scattered around like spider legs. The Beard King (as seen on Shark Tank!) wraps around a man's neck and then attaches to the mirror via hooks and suction cups. I personally would love to make my husband utilize this invention when eating Mexican food, though I don't know how he'd feel staring at himself while scarfing a burrito. Or about eating tacos next to the toilet.

This is great if you've ever wanted to enjoy your breakfast with three large horses staring in at you from a pretend window, as though they are about to snatch the waffles from your plate the second you glance over at The Today Show.

This unique equine-themed wall decal measures 23 inches wide by 15 inches high, and would certainly be an easy way for me to give a bit of rustic flare to my Brooklyn apartment. If I just pretend horses make siren sounds instead of neighing. However, I have noted that the description states that "Patience is required when applying this." So it clearly knows I am not the ideal consumer for this product.

Also, is it just me, or do these horses have a vaguely sinister look about them? Like they're just waiting for the fourth horseman to show up, and then the Apocalypse shall commence as planned?

This is exactly what it says. A cup holder for the shower. And while I can maybe see wanting a holder for your phone in the shower (not to take calls, mind you, but say, to listen to music or a podcast?) I am confused by the Gatorade. Is this for people who find showering so depleting they need to refuel their electrolytes mid-armpit shave?

And if you are in fact someone who enjoys an IPA or a nice glass of chablis whilst scrubbing your nether regions, well I might first suggest you download a time management app (that you can look at in the shower) and I will also hold out hope for you that one day there is a companion cheese plate that suctions to tiles.

That's right. It's a frog. Dressed as a fireman. Fighting a fire. And yes, I know your very first question is, "but is it eco-friendly, for god's sake?" And I am happy to report that yes it is! This little guy stands 5.8" x 4.2" x 3" and is coated in eco-friendly resin.

Desperate for a last minute wedding gift? Well, I think you have the solution! As the description says, "No Fear, Firefighting Frog is Here."

Because is it really even Prime Day without a 30 x 24 inch photo print of Daryl Hall and John Oates staring at you like they just finished writing "Kiss On My List" and now have quietly planned your murder?

As per the description, this is "a mask that can be used at any time!" To which I say...really? Any time? Like, could you wear it to a christening? Or to Applebees for lunch? Or to Chase bank to ask for an increase on your credit limit?

Someday, when we are all but dust, and the earth is nothing more than a burnt-out husk... aliens from a distant galaxy may arrive and attempt to retrieve evidence of our time here. Let us all pray that they find this, and only this.