Life
Do you sometimes look at your baby as he launches an entire bowl of peas at the wall with brute toddler force, and imagine him standing at the helm of a ship in a horned helmet, issuing commands for ice cream raids? Or when your little one crawls onto the "Mommy and Me" play-mat with a shriek and a snarl, like she's seizing new land, do you occasionally feel as if you’re raising a Scandinavian pirate from the 790s? Yes? Well, here are five signs that you may in fact be raising a Viking baby.
The Happiest Baby blog lists four main baby personality types. There’s the even-tempered “Walk in the Park” baby, the sensitive “Fragile As Crystal” baby, the intense bebe with a demeanor that boils between “Passion and Explosion," and there’s the fussy baby — or as they diplomatically put it, “The Little Baby With a Big Personality.” But what about the fiercely independent baby who wants to give her broken toys a Viking burial at sea? And by sea, I of course mean the toilet.
Let us explore the different traits of a Viking baby, shall we? If anything, it's a good excuse to peruse photos of Travis Fimmel from that show Vikings. Or to rewatch the "What's Opera Doc" episode of Looney Tunes.
4
Your Baby Loves To Explore
Vikings are considered some of the greatest explorers of the ancient world, and Norse Mythology says they conquered new lands in a "quest for fame, prestige, and honor." But they also were seeking a "level of personal freedom that one can only find in a sparsely-populated area with no pre-established government."
Kind of like when your baby is constantly trying to ditch you at the playground, and find a new stretch of unpopulated synthetic turf upon which they may steal other's toys and eat as much mud as they like, without the tyrant mommy telling them "No, no!"
5
Your Child Is A Berserker, & Prefers To Do Battle In The Nude
Do you often enter a room, find your child has discarded all of their clothing, and is now streaking down the hall like a naked barbarian in search of more Duplo? Ranker describes a particular faction of Viking warriors known as "Berserkers" who preferred to take care of business in their birthday suits. Sound familiar?
Now that you think of it...does the term "Berserker" seem especially apt for your child? Especially after they've just poured a gallon of milk into your sock drawer, or attempted to put several gummy bears into the dog's nose? Well congratulations! You are raising a Viking baby — a wild, untamed, Pampers-clad warrior of discovery. Might I make a small suggestion for next year's Halloween costume?