Life
Who doesn't love a trip to Target, right?? From the intoxicating scent of new carpet and popcorn, to the bright red decor urging you to buy things that you don't need, to the Starbucks strategically placed at the entrance, encouraging you to retail by filling your belly with copious amounts of caffeine, it's a dream land. It can also be informative, because there's no denying that your impulse Target purchase says a lot about your current emotional state, whether it be good, bad, or somewhere in between.
I mean, have you ever wondered why you go to Target for one thing and walk out with 1400 things, instead? It's because their merchandisers are geniuses that have robbed consumers (OK, me) of their ability to ball on a budget by strategically placing red sale stickers on everything in the store in the hopes of convincing shoppers that, hey, "It's OK, it's on sale so I'm actually saving money by buying this ceramic, elephant-shaped candle holder."
The truth is, I'm hooked on Target like some people are hooked on hard drugs. It's like there's a devil on my shoulder telling me to keep shopping, even after I've crossed that imaginary line I told myself I wouldn't cross. Basically, the point is that it's not really your fault that you can't walk out of Target without spending less than $100. It's a scientific fact that your purchases are directly related to your emotional state. The following purchases say a lot more about you than the just fact that you have a Target addiction.
If You Purchase Throw Pillows...
If you're impulsively buying throw pillows at Target there's a good chance you're trying to overcompensate for the lack of order and control in whatever room you're buying them for. There's also a good chance that the room in question looks like a grenade filled with Hot Wheels and Barbie clothes exploded in the middle of it. This purchase says that you're craving order, but you're too tired to create it on your own.
If You Purchase Starbucks...
It is a scientific fact that all moms function better on coffee. If you immediately hop in line for a white chocolate mocha, there's a good chance that you're already physically and mentally exhausted from your day and it's still too early to drink wine, so you're settling for a cup of delicious caffeine.
If You Purchase Leggings...
If anyone tells you that leggings aren't pants, you need to eliminate them from your life immediately because you don't need that kind of negativity. This purchase says, "I want to look like a contributing member of society, but I f*cking hate denim." Don't we all, my friend. Don't we all.
If You Purchase Work Out Gear...
If you've made it to the work out aisle on purpose, you're probably armed with the best of intentions and those intentions are admirable. However, there's a good chance that you're going to purchase an ab wheel under the false pretenses established by the ridiculously fit woman displayed on the package. She makes it look so easy doesn't she?
Purchases of work out gear are often fueled by endorphins (or coffee) and are the result of temporary states of motivation. Not that you can't or won't get fit (pr that you're not fit already and absolutely love your body because yay body positivity). In fact, you probably know you don't need it, but the ripped woman on the package is convincing you that if you buy this wheel and she seems nice and happy and worth listening to.
If You Purchase A Candle...
You probably don't want fun to be over yet, so you mosey on into the aisle filled with candles, capable of giving our houses the joyous scent of a memorable trip to Target. Also, their candles are kind of amazing and maybe if we have them in our houses it will distract our guests (and ourselves) from the lingering scent of an explosive poop and trick them into believing that we keep our domains squeaky clean at all times.
Or maybe you just like the smell of the beach, but can't quite afford the vacation you so desperately need so you opt for a paradise-scented candle instead.
If You Purchase Underwear...
"It's laundry day and I don't feel like washing another load of clothes, so I'm just going to buy new underwear and put it off for a few more days." Who doesn't love a new pair of clean underwear, right?
If You Purchase Fancy Hair Products...
Target has got some of the best hair products. Even if you're balling on a budget, it's hard to resist the hair aisle and all of it's coconut-scented glory, especially if you're needing a little "me time."
A deep conditioning treatment is basically the equivalent of a day at the spa for a mom. And since we all know that moms don't get spa days nearly often enough, expensive conditioner will suffice for now.
If You Purchase Anything From The Deli...
"I don't feel like cooking so I'm going to let the deli do it for me." You're pretty over your day at this point, and rather than being a short order cook for your kids when you get home, you've opted to let the deli deal with them. No shame in this game.
If You Purchase Clearance Clothes That Aren't Your Size...
Clearance clothes almost never come in the size you need them so, but they're on clearance so you have to buy them! This purchase says, "I need new clothes but I don't want to pay full price for them, so I've decided to squeeze into this half price version of the dress I want or down in this oversized shirt, instead."
There's a good chance that there's an entire section devoted to these clothes, with their tags still attached, in your closet. Sure, it might take a few months before you admit that this purchase was impulsive at best, but in that fleeting moment it made you feel better, so don't beat yourself up.
If You Purchase Literally Anything From The Dollar Section...
It's all just a dollar, so you can buy, like, 57 things, right? This says that you legitimately need to feel empowered and being able to buy literally anything that you want gives you a sense of that power.
Don't feel ashamed if you've fallen victim to one of Target's many merchandising mind games; we all have at some point.
