Sex

a couple wondering if having sex in front of your newborn baby is bad
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Will Baby Remember You Having Sex In Front Of Them? Best To Play It Safe

There are better options.

by Lindsay E. Mack
Updated: 
Originally Published: 

No one is eager to get back to baby-making in the first few days after actually making a baby. As you let your body heal and adapt to the incessant needs of a newborn, sex is probably the furthest thing from your mind. Eventually, however, your libido will return. This leads to another quandary many parents face (even if they don't talk about it). Basically: Will your newborn baby remember you having sex in front of them? I mean, sex is beautiful and natural and everything, but you probably don't want it to be your child's very first memory.

If parents have sex in front of a newborn baby, will the baby make a memory of it?

The question can, understandably, leave a lot of parents feeling squeamish. On the one hand, your very young baby likely has no concept of what's going on. On the other hand, having sex with a kid in the room, no matter how young, can feel off-putting. But then again, you want to keep your relationship strong, even if you're co-sleeping and short on time and space. This dilemma can leave you and your partner in a pickle.

Because this question is so personal and potentially fraught with mixed feelings, it's helpful to start out with the objective facts. First, newborns babies — we’re talking babies under four months old, here — are not making lasting memories. Although memory making and retention is still a field that needs more attention, researchers have found that young infants don't start making lasting memories of events until they are well over a year old. That first year of life is developmentally crucial, of course, but your kid won’t remember the specifics of it later in life.

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There are better postpartum sex options, though.

So, having sex in front of a newborn baby is unlikely to have any lasting effects. That said, even if your kid is a newborn, you still may feel uncomfortable having sex with them in the room. And that's OK too — you aren't a prude or anything. Your child is still a conscious presence, after all, and that's enough to give plenty of couples pause. Sure, your sex life changes in many ways after having a kid, but that doesn't mean you have to abandon all of your privacy. May we instead recommend couch sex, which can be more fun than you might expect? Also, remember that this phase of life is temporary. One day your child will sleep through the night, all night, in a separate room. And you and your partner can get down however you like behind the privacy of a closed (and locked) bedroom door.

Studies cited:

Rovee-Collier, C. (1999), The Development of Infant Memory, Current Directions in Psychological Science. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1111/1467-8721.00019

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