Breastfeeding
Because exhaustion and putting words together don’t exactly go hand-in-hand.
Sleep deprivation goes hand in hand with new parenthood, and when all you want to do is crawl back into bed, those late-night feedings seem to take so long. One way to pass the time is by taking pictures of your baby and posting them alongside some midnight breastfeeding Instagram captions. When the pictures show up on your followers’ feeds, fellow parents will smile and nod and probably give you a “like” in solidarity.
Whenever I had to wake up in the middle of the night for a feeding, I always made sure to grab my phone so that I could entertain myself while my baby ate. Sometimes I’d do some online shopping, other times I’d put in my earbuds and watch an old episode of Forensic Files on Netflix (that’s totally normal, right?), but more often than not I’d take way too many pictures of my adorable, sleepy baby and post them on Instagram. In hindsight, I wish I had had an arsenal of midnight breastfeeding Instagram captions to pull from back then because trying to come up with a coherent caption when you're sleep-deprived is a pretty big ask.
So, if you find yourself in a similar position, taking a ridiculous number of pictures of your baby to help you pass time, then you’re going to need some midnight breastfeeding Instagram captions to go with all of those cute photos. And, if you’re not feeling particularly creative (or intelligible), here are a few to just copy and paste while you’re half-awake.
“Sleep All Day, Party All Night. Just Kidding, We Never Sleep.”
Hey, you’re just telling it like it is. And, yes, eating is totally a party in a baby’s eyes.
“Five Stars. Open 24 Hours. Will Eat Here Again.”
If you’re going to be a walking restaurant, you deserve a five-star Yelp review. Go ahead and write it up on your baby’s behalf, because you know they would totally do it themselves if they had the motor skills.
“Up All Night Drinking Has A Whole New Meaning Now.”
These are definitely not the same kind of late nights you had back in college. You’ll still wake up feeling hungover, though, thanks to all of the sleep deprivation.
“Musn’t Sleep. Must Eat More.”
I wish there were a way to explain to a baby that sleep is encouraged. To assure them that the milk will still be there in the morning.
“‘One Two Three. One Two Three Drink.’ - My Baby Planning Out His Cluster Feeding Hours For The Rest Of The Night.”
Sia may not have been singing about breastfeeding in this song, but man if it doesn’t sum up cluster feeding.
“This Baby Drinks At Midnight Like Every Night Is New Year’s Eve.”
Happy New Year! Except it’s not Jan. 1, it’s a random Tuesday in November and you have to work tomorrow morning. Cheers.
“Bartender, Another Round.”
The best bartenders always get repeat customers, so you must be pretty darn good for your baby to show up every night like this.
“You’re My Favorite Reason To Lose Sleep.”
It’s the truth. And it’s a good thing you feel that way because I have been told that once you’re a parent you never really sleep again.
“Time For A Midnight Snack.”
At least with this snack they’re not making a lot of noise and leaving a mess in the kitchen, right?
“Business Is Really Booming For My Late-Night Meal Delivery Service.”
In fact, you’re so in demand that you have one customer who orders from you multiple times a night. This is what success looks like.
“Milk-Drunk Smiles Make These Midnight Feedings A Little More Enjoyable.”
Okay, but seriously. Those smiles are the absolute best. And they’re usually immediately followed by sweet snuggles.
“Midnight Feedings = Midnight Online Shopping.”
Do you remember everything you ordered when you wake up the next day? No, but every time an Amazon box arrives it feels like Christmas morning.
“‘I Come Alive In The Night Time’ - Drake & Also My Baby.”
For those nights when your baby thinks midnight is a good time to play so the feeding is extra long.
“Just Doing A Little Midnight Bonding.”
To be honest, you’re probably bonding more with your baby in this single breastfeeding session than you did with your friends at slumber parties as a kid. Plus, unlike at sleepovers, no one is going to draw all over your face after you fall asleep.
“Who Needs Sleep Anyway? (Me, I Do).”
This is the Instagram caption equivalent to putting on a brave face, and then coming clean. Who can blame you here, though?
“A Hangry Baby Is One Thing, A Hangry Baby At Midnight Is A Whole Different Beast.”
Though their cries are little, they are effective. It’s honestly kind of impressive that such a tiny human can get so angry when they want to be fed.
“Step Aside Lingerie, Nursing Bras Are The New Sexy Sleepwear.”
Do you want to know what’s really sexy? Being comfortable while you sleep and not getting breastmilk all over your freshly cleaned sheets.
“I Love Staying Up Late Drinking With You, Mom.”
Whether or not the feeling is mutual in that moment is up to you. Either way, there is nothing your baby loves more than hanging out with you and drinking while the rest of the world sleeps.
“Never Have I Ever... Slept Through The Night.”
Is your baby bragging about this? She is, isn’t she? She’s proud of this accomplishment.
“I Give Milk, I Get Late-Night Snuggles. It’s A Fair Trade.”
Those post-feeding snuggles somehow have the power to give you enough energy to stay up just a little bit longer. At that point, what are another few minutes, right?
Make things easy on yourself and post one of these midnight breastfeeding Instagram captions alongside your latest baby photo. Not only will it require less late-night brain power from you, but it will also give you more time to sit back, relax, and watch something on Netflix (no, it doesn’t have to be Forensic Files).
