Deep Breaths, Everyone

People have strong opinions about Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes lack of public appearances.
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Please Stop Suggesting Eva Mendes Is A Bad Wife For Skipping The Red Carpet

Not walking a red carpet together doesn’t annul their marriage. Shocking, I know.

Ryan Gosling may not have taken home the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor, but he absolutely stole the show with his heartfelt, over-the-top performance of “I’m Just Ken.” The staging was brilliant. The Kenergy? Epic. I had some pretty high hopes for this one and it exceeded even my lofty expectations. A personal favorite moment? When Gosling held up his Barbie-font “E” necklace (“E” for Eva) and kissed it at the end of the number. It would appear actress Eva Mendes, Gosling’s wife and the inspiration behind the “E,” was similarly delighted. “Always by my man,” she wrote alongside a picture of Gosling’s dressing room prior to the awards ceremony on Instagram. Then, hours later, another picture of her wearing her husband’s pink jacket draped over her shoulders. “You took Ken all the way to the Oscar’s, RG,” she wrote. “Now come home, we need to put the kids to bed. 💋” The comments on both of these posts echoed a particular sentiment over and over again: why weren’t you seen with your husband?

“Why aren’t you sitting next to him at The OSCARS???Que Pasa ayi?” wrote one follower.

“Big night for Ryan! You should have been there in support, by his side!! What a beautiful memory you could have shared together!!!” chimed in another.

“I think it’s pretty lame that Eva doesn’t go to any of the [award] shows with her husband Ryan,” said a third. “I would think it’d be nice to have your wife by your side, and a joyous moment. She will soon be forgotten as we never see her.. but he’s out there without his wife that’s pretty sad.”

I get that everyone is entitled to their opinions, but some opinions are simply not good.

Gosling and Mendes have been together for more than a decade now, and in that time they have walked exactly one red carpet together: it was back in 2012 when they were promoting The Place Between The Pines, a movie starring both of them. (And, incidentally, where they first became a couple. Awww...) In a now-deleted post on Instagram, Mendes explained that the family — which includes daughters Esmeralda, 9 and Amada, 7 — is so private. “I have always had a clear boundary when it comes to my man and my kids. I’ll talk about them of course, with limits, but I won’t post pictures of our daily life,” she said back in 2020. “Since my children are still so little and don’t understand what posting their image really means, I don’t have their consent. And I won’t post their image until they’re old enough to give me consent.”

So, clearly, this just isn’t something the couple cares to do together. That’s fine. Here’s an exercise: any time you want to say “Why didn’t Eva Mendes go to [a premiere/red carpet/event] with Ryan Gosling?” replace whatever event you’re talking about with “work.” See how silly that sounds? See how the question is also the answer because of how ridiculous it is? Because as exciting as these things are for normal folks like us, for Ryan Gosling it’s his job. And while I hope it’s work he finds fun and creatively fulfilling, it’s still work. I love my job but I still look forward to the weekend. And I love my husband but I don’t invite him to my Zoom meetings. This isn’t secret proof that we’re on the rocks or that one of us is resentful of the other. It just means, like most other couples on the planet, our work life and our relationship are fairly compartmentalized. Granted, Hollywood isn’t like most other industries and lots of famous couples promenade down the red carpet together regularly. But that doesn’t mean all couples have to.

And it’s not as though Gosling was left all by himself. He opted to take two other special women with him to the red carpet and the ceremony: his sister, Mandi, and their mom, Donna. (Because when you’re Ryan Gosling, your plus one is two.) And honestly it really doesn’t get any cuter than that. I like to think if my brother or son were super-mega-famous I would get invited to an awards show at some point, too. (It’s too late for my brother to help me achieve this dream, so I’m pinning my hopes on my son...)

Ryan Gosling walked to red carpet and sat next to his sister Mandi to the Oscars.Lexie Moreland/WWD/Getty Images

Honestly, it seems like these two talented, smart, and (it must be said) almost satirically beautiful people are living their best lives. It’s OK if putting their relationship out there for public consumption isn’t part of that.