When someone close to you, like a friend or a family member,
has a miscarriage, you might feel a little helpless. You want to be there for them and you want to do something nice for them, but it can be hard to know what to say or do in a situation as sensitive as this one. Reaching out to extend your condolences and simply say, “I’m here if you need me,” is always a good idea. But if words feel like they aren’t enough or you want to go above and beyond, giving a gift to someone who had a miscarriage can also be an appropriate response.
Obviously a gift is never going to replace their loss, but it is a nice gesture: it shows the person that you’re thinking of them, you’re there for them when they’re ready, and you want to do something that makes them feel even a tiny bit better. The key is being sensitive when you think about what to purchase. Some thoughtful options include a bouquet of flowers,
a care package full of items to help them relax, or a piece of jewelry to help them remember. 1 A personalized wind chime
Etsy seller Kim Gore Studio creates beautiful, simple, handmade ceramic wind chimes in various shapes including flowers (shown), cones, discs, and more. They are super subtle and minimalist, and for an additional cost ($6 and up), you can also order a
personalized tag to attached to the end of the wind chime. It can say something like “in loving memory of [name]” or any other simple yet sentimental message. 2 A journal for letters
This journal can be personalized with a child’s name on the front. The pages within are simply ruled sheets, and a grieving parent can use this journal as a way to communicate to the baby they’ve lost, which can be incredibly difficult yet healing at the same time.
3 A cozy blanket
When you’re mourning a loss and just feeling really sad, one of the things you feel like doing is laying on the couch or in bed and just… doing nothing. Or watching mindless television. Or sleeping. Something that can make all of those things more comfortable is a cozy blanket. This Barefoot Dreams blanket isn’t cheap, but it is incredibly soft and luxurious, and it’s perfectly warm without being too warm. It looks nice thrown over a couch as decor when it’s not being used, and it makes even sad lounging just a little bit better. This is something they can use now and later.
4 A sweet ornament
This infant loss ornament by The Festive Farm has a deeper personal meaning behind it. The company created the ornament based on their family’s experience with infant loss: they created it when they lost their baby to place it on the tree every year in his honor. On their website, they write, “It was our way of remembering not only his light, but his place in our family for eternity.” They began selling the ornament to give other families the chance to do the same. Shaped like angel wings, this is a beautiful addition to any tree.
5 A way to remember all the details
Savor makes really beautiful remembrance boxes for parents, and they have a box specifically for those who have lost a child. It acts as a special memorial for the baby who was lost so that mourning parents can remember all of the little details. There are over 50 individually illustrated labels that specifically address the needs of families facing child loss, such as sonograms, memorial jewelry, notes from the hospital, and a Certificate of Life. A portion of the proceeds are donated to the
Star Legacy Foundation, a non-profit organization that aims to support families who have experienced stillbirth, pregnancy loss, and neonatal death. 6 A tree to be planted
A bouquet of flowers is always a go-to gift for someone dealing with loss, but take it one step further with a tree that can be planted in the yard. These are sustainably grown evergreen saplings, and they have to be planted outdoors. When you order, you’ll put in the zip code fort he person you’re buying for, and you’ll receive a tree that will thrive best in that area. Planting a tree can be similar to a healing ceremony for someone who has lost a baby, and it can also symbolize a celebration of life. A tree like this one will grow for years, acting as a memorial for the baby.
7 A comforting box to relax with
With the name “Better Days Ahead,” this box is meant to signify hope, and to say that things will improve one day... and until then, they can enjoy the comforting items in the box. It comes with a ceramic mug, fruit and oolong tea, a mint sachet, and a “thinking of you” candle, all meant to create a relaxing environment. Everything is packaged in a beautiful white gift box with a satin ribbon and calligraphy gift tag, as well as a letter-pressed notecard.
8 A book to memorialize the baby
This baby book was created specifically for babies taken too soon due to miscarriage, stillbirth, or in the first few days of life. Everything in there is meant to be as inclusive as possible for all babies and gestational ages. It includes beautiful illustrations and plenty of prompts, but can also act as a journaling space for the parents to write what they want to remember. There are also sections for any milestones, baby’s due date, favorite memories, scrapbooking, and more.
9 A symbolic keychain
If you want to just gift the parents something small to show them that you’re keeping them in your thoughts, this rainbow keychain is a lovely gift. Since rainbows are a symbol of infant loss, this one makes sense, but it’s still subtle enough that it doesn’t feel overwhelming. Available in a variety of shades, this knit keychain be carried everywhere as a sweet symbol of what they will want to remember.
10 A sweet charm bracelet
Some people go through a miscarriage and prefer to get through it, then try to move on as if it didn’t happen. Others choose to remember the life and potential that was lost — everyone has different ways of coping. If you think your friend or family member would like it, a piece of jewelry meant to memorialize the loss is a nice gift. This expandable wire bangle bracelet from Alex and Ani is affordable and thoughtful. It features a two-sided heart charm, with a handprint on the front and the words “forever touched my heart” on the back. It’s a beautiful sentiment.
11 A relaxation basket
Your friend is going through a lot right now, and while she might find it hard to focus on self-care, it is something that could help her. This box encourages relaxation and a little “me time” when they need it the most. It comes with a soothing lavender candle, lip balm, lavender castile soap, a rose petal bath bomb, an orange bath bomb, a greeting card, and an engraved wood heart with an inspirational message on it. You can also spend more and add on a gold pearl necklace if you want. Everything comes packaged in a lovely box wrapped in lavender ribbon.
12 A necklace to encourage strength
Some of the sympathy jewelry out there is meant to remember the life that was lost. This particular necklace is more about inspiration to move through the pain and encouraging strength, which makes it a little different. In a minimalist rainbow shape, this necklace is pretty and easy to wear every day. It also comes with a beautiful message about getting through the toughest times in life and overcoming and surviving. Part of the message says, “And although the storm brought her destruction, it also brought her strength. She learned that she is more powerful than anything that arrives to break her — the darkness will never stop her from finding her own light.”
13 A helpful book
In many ways, navigating the loss of an unborn child is different than navigating other types of losses. You’re mourning a life that almost was and all of the possibility that came with it, and it can be really tough to work to work through that on your own. Whether the person you’re buying for is seeing a therapist or not, a book about dealing with that kind of grief can be extremely helpful. This is a thoughtful gift to give that also doesn’t cost a lot, and it could be something they didn’t even realize they needed. Gift this on its own, or add it to a DIY care package.
14 Comforting soup
You know how people often send food after a loved one dies? It’s a nice idea because it’s thoughtful: when you’re really going through something and feeling very sad, sometimes the last thing you want to do is think about putting in the effort to cook something. This soup care package is a great option because soup is such a good comfort food. It comes with 64 oz of soup (this makes four to six generous servings), a half dozen rolls, a ladle, and a half dozen cookies for dessert. You can also fill out a personalized note card. Chicken soup is a classic, but they have a few other flavor options as well.
15 An engraved bracelet
It’s hard to pick out jewelry for someone else (it can feel so personal), but this cuff bracelet is versatile and perfect for everyday wear, so it’s hard to go wrong with it. This bracelet, meant for those who are grieving, says, “Your wings were ready. My heart was not.” This feels very appropriate for any loss, especially a miscarriage. You can also personalize it with a name to make it feel more intimate. It comes in silver, 18K gold, or rose gold, and I love how this is worn with the message hidden so that it feels secret and special.
16 A memorial candle
Whether you want to get something small or you’re looking for something to add to a DIY care package, this memorial candle is a really nice option. It’s eco-friendly with a clean burn, made without any additives or dyes, and features a metal-free wick. It’s also scented with natural botanicals, juniper, and cypress, and is infused with natural essential oils like cedarwood, cypress, geranium, and mint, for a fresh, woodsy scent that anyone would enjoy. You can choose between an 8-ounce size for a 60-hour burn or a 12-ounce size for up to an 80-hour burn. You also personalize the candle with a name.
17 A grief journal
Although it might not be for everyone, journaling can be a really important part of getting through something tragic, like a miscarriage. Journaling is a great way to express thoughts and emotions without fear of judgement. This guided journal is meant to help. It’s loosely structured around the five stages of grief, and uses proven methods based in positive psychology to help people deal with grief and loss. Alongside space to write, there are also quotes and positive affirmations that can feel uplifting. This is a helpful way to encourage your friend or family member to work through their pain.
18 A grief care package
This care package is meant to offer hope and encouragement during a time of grief and sadness. For $45, the base care package comes with a Citrus Sunrise candle, a glass apothecary bottle set of wooden safety matches, 10 Bible verse cards with journal reflection prompts on the back, a journal, a heart-shaped plantable seed paper, a watercolor hymn print, chocolate, and a resource card of song and book recommendations for dealing with grief and loss. If you want to spend a little more, you can add on an essential oil roller, a mini dried bouquet, a gold dipped lily necklace, or a book about grief after miscarriage.
19 Flower seeds
Sending over a bouquet of flowers after someone suffers a miscarriage is a really nice response. The only issue with bouquets, though, is that they only last for a few days. If you want to gift flowers that last much longer and the recipient has a green thumb, gift seed packets. These forget-me-not seeds make beautiful flowers, they’re low-maintenance, and feel appropriate for someone dealing with loss (because they’ll never forget who they lost). You can stick a few of these in a nice card or throw them into a DIY care package. Gardening is also a nice distraction for those looking to keep busy.
20 An honest card
The truth is, you really don’t need to spend a lot on a pricey gift to cheer someone up during this time. Sometimes, all you need to do is send an understanding card. Not just a text or an email, but an actual handwritten card: this is a really nice way to show someone you’re thinking of them, and it feels so much more personal and intimate. This card is honest in the best way, and states, “I’m not sure I have the right words, but know I’m thinking of you.” You can write a nice message inside that shows that while there’s no pressure, they can always come to you.
21 A box of tea
Combine two things your friend or family member might need (tea and food) and you get this really thoughtful box from Mouth. It contains orange pistachio shortbread, raspberry cave cookies, Splendid Serenity Tea by 2 Queens Honey + Tea, Chai Tea Concentrate by Dona Chai, and a really nice wildflower honey by TruBee. It’s basically everything they need to sit down with a cup of soothing tea and a snack, so they can relax and have a moment of silence to themselves. Everything will taste delicious, and it all comes wrapped in a nice box as well.
22 A miscarriage box
This gift box from Bodily is meant to support someone who recently went through a miscarriage and is full of items that are ideal for some self-care time. It includes two olive branch remembrance bracelets that symbolize resilience, strength, and the capacity for regrowth, which are meant for them and their partner to wear through challenging times. It also comes with a guidebook for physical and emotional recovery after loss that also includes messages from those who have gone through it, a Restore recovery latte, and an advice book titled
The Miscarriage Map: What To Expect When You Are No Longer Expecting by Dr. Sunita Osborn. 23 A box of sunshine
I’ll be honest with you: it’s not going to be easy to cheer up someone who just went through a miscarriage. Still, this sunshine yellow box of items is meant to at least try, and at least it shows you’re thinking of them. It comes with a cup of Sunshine Herbal Tea from Big Heart Tea Co., shortbread cookies, a yellow mug, meyer lemon candies, a jar of organic honey, and lemon crisps. This is nice for a snack break when some relaxation is needed, and if you want to spend more, you can add on a soy candle, face mask, or throw blanket if you’d like.
24 A soothing ritual
It’s always comforting to receive a gift that allows you to slow down and have a moment of ritual to honor the loss. This kit from Rituals For The Living includes a small sturdy Jizo statue; Jizo is a Japanese Bodhisattva (a spiritual figure) who is thought to protect unborn babies while soothing their grieving parents. The kit also includes a scented candle to bring light to dark times, plus a pack of seeds which represent the ever-changing nature of life, a red ribbon, which can be tied to a key chain or worn around the wrist to symbolize the bond to the baby, and finally, wish papers to write down a wish, prayer, or note.
25 Dinner at home
There’s a reason so many bring food when someone has experienced a loss. It’s hard for someone who is grieving to do basic tasks, even something like cooking meals or putting together a snack. You can always buy a gift card to this person’s favorite restaurant so they can order takeout (or go out for a meal when they’re ready), but if you’re not sure where they like to eat, a DoorDash gift card is a great alternative. This makes it super easy for them to order in dinner, lunch, or breakfast so they can eat in their own comfort zone, without having to put in any effort at all.
26 A spiritual necklace
A piece of jewelry is a nice way to always remember the baby that was lost. This necklace can be purchased in either an angel wing, a cross, or two interlocking circles, so you can choose the style you think they would like the most. You can also get it in yellow gold, rose gold, or silver. The card inside says, “We asked God for a baby, and instead, he gave us an angel. We will forever cherish our beautiful angel in our hearts and soul, knowing that one day God will also give us wings to let us hold our little angel eternally in heaven.” This is a thoughtful gift for someone who is religious.
27 A book of poems they can relate to
Reading a book that helps make sense of the trauma that was just endured can really help someone get through something. This book of poems,
The Silk Moth Ignores, animates the feelings that go along with miscarriage, pregnancy, and early parenthood. There are prose verses, sonnets, and short poems, with titles like “To Acknowledge Damage,” so everything is fairly easy to read. A book of poems is a nice idea for parents who don’t want to sit down and read something heavy or long. It’s a beautiful book that may help them make sense of their feelings and emotions in such a difficult time. 28 A sweet necklace
Jewelry is always a nice gift, especially when it’s a versatile piece that can be worn all the time. This necklace comes in gold, rose gold, or silver, and it’s an affordable price point and pretty good quality. It features a delicate sketching of baby’s breath flowers, which can represent dedication, self-discipline, reconnecting, and undying love. In this instance, undying love would probably resonate the most. You can get a smaller or larger disc depending on what they would like, and this can easily be worn everyday both casually and more dressed up. It’s pretty and it has a very subtle message, which they might appreciate.
29 A remembrance frame
This photo features a tree of butterflies in a variety of colors, and is a really nice way to remember a lost baby, as it represents an infant who has grown its wings too soon. It helps keep the memory alive forever and offers some comfort. Each image includes a baby’s name and their date of passing, and the pearlescent butterflies are 3D, which is a nice touch. You can choose from 15 different messages, like “too beautiful for Earth” or “Here for just a moment, loved for a lifetime.” You can also choose to buy this framed or unframed.
It’s not always about the actual gift you’re giving — sometimes it’s more about the fact that you reached out and thought of them. Pick a gift that feels appropriate for what your friend or family member is like, and know that they’ll appreciate it so much, even if they don’t say it out loud.
This article was originally published on
Oct. 12, 2021