Reddit Slams Woman Who Wanted $400 Baby Shower Gift Back After Mom Had Miscarriage
“Don’t kick someone when they’re down.”
What happens to baby shower gifts if an expectant mother suffers a miscarriage? It might not be a question you’ve ever considered, but one woman took to Reddit with that very concern. She and her husband had purchased an expensive baby shower gift for a friend and wondered if it would be okay to ask for it back after she had a miscarriage. And fellow Redditors quickly called out just how “tacky” that would be.
The woman recently took to the “Am I The A**hole” sub-Reddit forum to see what people would think if she asked for an expensive baby shower gift back from an expectant mom, who she says is only her “husband’s friend” but they are “friendly when we see each other.”
The woman explains that she and her husband purchased their friend a “fairly expensive item” off of her baby registry when they had their first child and then purchased another gift for around $400 when they announced they were expecting their second a few years later. “My husband spent around $400 on a gift for her, fine with me. A few weeks later Jen had a traumatic miscarriage,” she wrote. “I won’t get into the details but she was devastated and the cause of the loss likely means she won't be able to carry future pregnancies to term. It's incredibly sad and while I’m not close with Jen my heart hurt for her.”
A few months after the miscarriage, the woman and her husband were wondering what to do about the gift. “It’s not something she can use for her older kid. Asking her to return the gift seems cruel, like adding a chore onto her grief, and it’s probably past the return window anyway. I’m also not sure if she’s going to keep trying to have more kids (very risky for the baby and herself) and it seems incredibly insensitive to ask, plus she may not have decided yet. Asking her to pay us back for it also seems very cruel. My husband and I are also decently high earners but $400 is still a lot of money. It’s one thing if she’s able to get a few years of use out of the item, that’s money well spent. But if it’s going to sit in a box in her attic for years....that’s where we are getting stuck.”
She wanted to know if it would be rude to ask for the gift back, and Reddit answered. Yes, yes it would.
“YTA it was a gift. It shouldn’t come with terms and conditions. You gave it away. It’s gone,” wrote one user.
“She’s just lost her baby and her fertility. Don’t kick someone when they’re down. When she’s ready, she will probably sell your gift and use the money for something else, hopefully something that brings her joy,” added another.
Many commented that it would be “tacky” to ask for the gift back, regardless of the tramautic miscarriage. “Let it go. It doesn’t matter that she lost the baby, it was a gift. You can’t ask for it back, that’s tacky,” one reader commented.
“I don’t know how you can hear someone had a miscarriage and potentially can no longer have children and then worry about how to get your gift back,” one more said
The original poster shared an update acknowledging that she and her husband would not be asking for a gift back from a woman who has just lost a baby and, as she implied in her question, might not be able to do so biologically in the future. “If she doesn't use it I hope she at least donates the item to someone who needs it,” the woman wrote in her update.
Rather than asking for a gift to be returned after a miscarriage, friends and family can always consider putting together a care package to help a grieving mother get through a difficult time. Just a thought.