There are some life lessons that are easy to learn, like more than three shots of any particular alcohol and you'll hate yourself the next day, and when someone texts "K," nothing is really OK at all. And then there are the other life lessons, the ones that are devastating and horrific and unbelievably unwanted, like the ones you learn when you lose a baby. ("Well, this just took a turn." – everyone reading this.) You'll learn lessons about your partner when you lose a baby, lessons that make you a stronger mother, and lessons that can strengthen your relationship. But without a doubt, the most important lessons you learn when you lose a baby are about yourself.
I lost one of my twin sons when I was 19 weeks pregnant, and when my surviving son was born, I was forced to learn what it was like to birth one baby who was alive, and one who wasn't. When I could bring myself to be around people after I was told my son's heart was no longer beating, I learned what I wanted (and needed) to hear from people; helpful words that brought me comfort in a time of darkness. Everything I learned during that time (and continue to learn, even now) helped me through my grieving period, but it was the lessons I learned about myself that have stuck with me, changed me, and made me the mother I am today.
People can tell you things after you lose a baby — helpful, well-intentioned things that can be beneficial — but it's the lessons you learn about yourself that will help you navigate through a loss as horrific as losing a baby. You'll make it through your mourning because of these lessons, and the evolution you're forced to endure when you lose a baby will be a silver lining in an otherwise dire situation. It might take time, it might look differently than you would have hoped, but these 10 things you learn about yourself when you lose a baby will be your lifeboat in a sea of grief.