When I was in the throes of newborn life, it was awesome to feel like I was heard and like I wasn’t alone, so I would assume other moms might feel the same way. You can do wonders just be listening and understanding her. Unless, of course, she’s lamenting that she’s the worst mom ever, in which case you’re free to disagree as much as humanly possible.

In other words, don’t say, "Let me know if you need anything," and then vanish into the "real world," essentially putting it on her to think of something she needs while simultaneously coming up with a nice way to ask you.

“Let me know what you need,” is a little better, but still not as good as, "Can I load the dishwasher for you?” or, "Do you want me to start/fold/put away a load of laundry?” This is also safer for you as it avoids the chance of her asking for help with anything involving poop.

Ah, the classic gift for new parents: gifts of food and pre-made meals. Honestly, these gems of support never go out of style. I mean, most of us love food even when we don’t have an infant attached to us, so just imagine how good it feels when there is one in the picture.

Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Speaking of imagining things that are awesome, let’s think for a moment about how great it is to not have a sink full of dishes staring at us. Sometimes dishes are unavoidable, but any pre-planning you can do to limit them will be much appreciated.

It doesn’t need to be a big or extravagant, or even a gift in the traditional sense. However, any token of affection or gear for the baby (or even, like, a pack of wipes or a bag of her favorite coffee) shows that you’re thinking of her and that you’re looking out.

Here’s a story: a member of my extended family was in the neighborhood when my son was just a few weeks old. This family member showed up on a whim and interrupted the one chance for sleep I'd had that entire day.

Not cool.

To be fair, she did try to call. On the other hand, I didn't answer and she came anyway. For the love of all that is holy, please don’t do this. Opportunities for a new mom to sleep are so few and far between, it’s safer to just give her plenty of space. On a less dramatic note, you could be interrupting a diaper change, or a feeding session, or some other hands-on activity that turns answering the door into the greatest chore of all time. It’s not hard to prearrange visits.

Honestly, any form of self-contained entertainment that she can rely on to stay awake during night feedings is a gift that keeps on giving. I learned pretty quickly that the vow I made to not use my phone when I nursed my baby was slightly unrealistic (especially when I actually discovered how heavy my eyelids were at some god-awful hour in the middle of the night).

She may decline. Or, she may just go into the other room for five minutes to breathe, or take a shower, or close her eyes, or check her messages, or lay face down on the floor, or do any number of things she probably wants to do but doesn’t get the chance to.

The sky’s the limit here. Is her baby cute? Does her messy top knot work really well in a chic, effortless kind of way? Is she getting really efficient at changing diapers? Are you proud of all her hard work? Is she managing to stand on both feet and put one foot in front of the other? You probably have plenty to choose from.

Unless she's called you first, or you’re standing outside of her home and happen to notice that it’s on fire, do not call her. Even if you think you’re calling at the safest possible time, you could still wake her or the baby, or require her to stop whatever she’s doing (which could involve poop) to look at the phone and feel guilty for declining the call. Texting is much, much safer. I’m also a big proponent of email, but of course, your mileage may vary there as I know not everyone is. Still, the least invasive is always safe.

Also, have I mention not to show up unannounced?