Technology is often derided as the death knell of interpersonal relationships and romance. To a certain degree, I get it: people forgo talking to one another at the end of the day in lieu of burying their face in their phone and liking cat videos on social media. (I'm not knocking it, I, personally, think this is an excellent and worthwhile activity because cats are adorable and hilarious.) At the same time, I don't take the same "gloom and doom" attitude toward phones and relationships. In fact, I think there are texts your partner can send to get you in the mood that, in turn, are ultimately going to make your relationship stronger, better, and more fun.
It's not always romantic to think of relationships as an aspect of your life that needs as much conscious effort as, say, your work life or school. I think we like to think of romance and connection as being mystically achieved. And, perhaps, the most disappointingly wrongheaded thought is that love is something you only have to worry about achieving, not maintaining. If we look at love and relationships in terms of houseplants, love is not a succulent, pretty, trendy plant that you get and then just kind of keep on your desk and water every couple weeks. Love is like an orchid: it's beautiful, magnificent, coveted, and it takes a lot of work and trial and error to figure out how best to make it thrive.
So if your sex life is lacking after having kids, ease your way back into that fun-loving sexy time using a tool that's always with you: your phone. The fact that it's in your back pocket positions it perfectly to light a fire under your ass. Here are some texts that, if I received them, I know my interest (and libido) would be piqued.
Don't Be Afraid To Restate That Which Seems To Be Obvious
Because sometimes in the hullaballoo of parenting, this is taken for granted and verbalizing it slips through the cracks. Then, hopefully, one day you think about it and you're like, "Hmm, I don't know if I've heard 'I love you' in a while." That's usually when the insecurity and bitterness and sadness can start to fester, like gangrene of the soul ("Gangrene of the Soul," incidentally, sounds like a band I would have listened to in the '90s).
Just think of a frequent and heartfelt "I love you" as routine relationship maintenance, the sort of sentiment that helps keep the whole relationship running smoothly. More than that, being told, emphatically, that you are loved, is definitely a huge turn-on.
Partner To The Rescue
It doesn't have to be dinner, but willingly, and without prompt, offering to take some obnoxious task off my plate reminds me of what an awesome person you are. Reminding me of what an awesome person you are will remind me of all the other things you're awesome at, like boning. Ergo, offering various acts of service from time to time will perhaps prompt me to, you know, bone you.
(Important note! These acts of service must be done with a pure heart. You can't do them in an attempt to get laid. That's quid pro quo and sort of creepy. If dinner is offered with the expectation of humping later on, that's less attractive. Let's face it, you're not doing it because you're awesome; you're doing it because you're horny. I don't like to feel obligated. That's the opposite of sexy.)
Do The Impossible
Honestly? I'm pretty sure just reading this text would get me pregnant. As a matter of fact, if the baby was a boy I would name him Daveed Aaron Lin Hamilton, and if the baby was a girl I would name her Schuylyer Renee Lafayette. I would give birth in the Richard Rodgers Theatre and spend the rest of my days blissfully in love with my partner, speaking to him exclusively in Hamilton lyrics. It would be enough.
Make Me Do A Double Take
Nothing will sweep a parent off their feet like sweeping the floor. (I mean, not as great as Hamilton tickets, but still.) This sort of thing is even better than the mere suggestion of some sort of thoughtful act, because it's letting us know that it's already done and it's reminding us of how awesome and hardworking you are. Same previously mentioned rules apply, however, regarding the transactional nature of good deeds. Oh, also, you don't really get as many points if you're seeking praise for something that was your job anyway. But even if this is your job and you're just taking pride in your work, that in and of itself is pretty attractive.
Inside Jokes
A well-placed inside joke reminds me that you and I did and do, in fact, have a life outside of raising our children together, and that's hot. Also, there is little sexier than a funny person. Jon Stewart, Sarah Silverman, Ali Wong, Aisha Tyler, Stephen Colbert. HUGE crushes on all of them. Sure they're attractive but it's those thick, juicy, witty brains of theirs that send my heart aflutter. Show me your funny I'll show you, you know, some of my things.
Initiate A Co-Parent Mystery Date
It's so, so rare that parents really get any form of spontaneity. I mean, kids are spontaneous, mercurial, and unpredictable enough for everyone in a family unit, so there's no room for any more "surprises," as far as parents are concerned. However, if you can provide something fun and unplanned, without me having to worry about working out the details? That's massively sexy.
Remind Me That Even When I'm Not Trying I'm Stunning
Any parent, male of female, is probably going to physically change after becoming a parent. Whether it's bags under the eyes from lack of sleep, a different body shape, a wardrobe that has taken a hit, or hair that's always in a topknot, things might be a little different. That can leave a lot of people, especially moms, feeling sort of depressed (since society has dictated a very narrow definition of "beautiful") or perhaps wistful for what they "used to look like." So, being reminded that I'm not only attractive, but effortlessly enchanting, is going to make me feel confident which is, potentially, going to get my motor going. (Also, it's going to remind me, once again, that you're really sweet, which is a turn on.)
If You Love Something Set It Free
I don't know about you, but I am most likely to feel in the mood when I feel like myself. Sometimes, to feel like myself, I'm going to need to recharge my batteries with some time away from my daily life and responsibilities. It's not that I don't dearly love my partner and the children: it's that they're not the only things I love, and I want to get in touch with the people, places, things, and activities that also make me happy, because it's probably been a while.
Remind Me That You're Into The Whole Package
Complimenting my appearance is a serious morale boost, don't get me wrong, but complimenting my brain and personality is even more amazing. Feeling understood, appreciated, and admired is a sure way to get me to feel confident and loved, and feeling confident and loved is an excellent start to getting me to feel amorous.
Sexting
I mean, it sounds trite and obvious, but come on! Who doesn't love a good sext from a loving partner? As long as you don't overdo it, this is awesome. Besides, I'm pretty sure this is what texting and camera phones were invented for...
