Life

Signs Your Kid Will Win An Oscar Some Day

by Steph Montgomery

I'll tell you a secret: I love the Academy Awards. Don't get me wrong, I think Amy Adams was robbed of a nomination for Arrival, and I am so ready to see more people of color receive the accolades they deserve for their work. That said, there's something magical about Oscar night, from the glamour of the red carpet to the tear-filled speeches. As a mom, I frequently find myself imagining my kids up there, thanking me for my support. It's easy to do. There are clear signs your kid is going to win an Oscar someday, and my kids definitely show them all on a daily basis.

There's the drama injected into everyday situations. "I simply cannot do my homework, mom, I'll die," and the accompanying endless streams of tears and shouting matches. Then, there's the completely normal, but also completely infuriating tendency for them to lie about the smallest things. If they don't win an Oscar someday, one of them is sure to become president instead. I put money on our youngest daughter or oldest son.

Our older kids are always singing, some better than others, belting out pop tunes and silly songs in the shower, in the car, to entertain their baby brother, and to make homework and getting up in the morning cheerful and fun. While it's delightful, it also makes us want to invest in some noise cancelling headphones. Our daughters are also our family screenwriters and directors, thriving on opportunities to tell their siblings what to do and create new scripts, improv scenarios, and choreography for them to perform on video or in the living room, while we look on. They have some amazing "leadership skills."

Mark my words, in a few years, you'll see one of my kids up there on stage. I just hope that when they give their acceptance speeches, they don't credit their weird mom with their ability to cry on command.

They Are Great Liars

Our middle kids are liars (well, not all of them), and often enough that we question them daily about whether or not they are telling the truth. Apparently a tendency to lie is a normal part of development but, most of the time, it annoys the hell out of me. I just hope that one day they can channel this ability into a career in the business we call show or politics (same thing).

They Are Creative

Courtesy of Steph Montgomery

Our daughters are both super creative in different ways. Our youngest daughter is always writing stories, making art out of the contents of the recycling bin, performing plays, and delivering elaborate excuses to get out of doing her homework "just this once." Our oldest daughter is much more likely to create an online world, full of vampires and goth girls (so proud). I can't wait to read their first screenplay, which is destined to be way better than Twilight.

They Never Stop Moving

Please sit down, you are making me dizzy. The endless dance parties have to be good for something. Choreography for the next hit musical on the big screen, perhaps?

They Love To Perform

Courtesy of Steph Montgomery

From the time she was able to talk, our little extrovert has been eager to be center stage and the center of attention, which sometimes is impossible now that we have five children. I can still remember her tiny toddler dance routines.

"Look at me, mommy. Watch me dance. Watch me twirl. Did you like it?"

They Love Games Where They Get To Create And Control

Courtesy of Steph Montgomery

Our kids adore video games, especially ones that let them create new worlds and control the characters. It makes sense, given how important the ability to make choices and control their worlds is to kids. They are sure to be the world's next generation of award-winning writers, directors, and filmmakers.

They Are Over-Dramatic

OMFG so over-dramatic about freaking everything. Stop the drama. I promise going to bed, doing your homework, sharing, or not being able to wear shorts to school in winter is not the end of the world. I hope you are able to translate this "skill" into a career someday. Do you think professional eye-rolling is a career, too?

They Are Emotional

Courtesy of Steph Montgomery

I am really glad that my kids feel comfortable sharing their emotions with the world, but seriously, do they have to be so moody all of the time? We have 18 more years of tears, emotional outbursts, and sullen chants of "It's not fair" and "I hate you" punctuated by yelling and eye rolls to look forward to. I think it's time for acting classes for the lot of them.

They Never Stop Talking

They. Never. Stop. Talking. This is especially true when they are trying to convince me or their dad to change our minds about something. This tenacity is going to come in handy when pitching their film ideas to prospective producers.

They Have Leadership Skills

Courtesy of Steph Montgomery

Our daughters are born leaders, destined to shape the right cast and crew into the greatest film of their generation.

They Love To Tell Stories

Whether it's reading the newest story they wrote, or telling me at length about their day, our daughters are awesome storytellers.

They Know You Believe In Them

Courtesy of Steph Montgomery

Perhaps most importantly, our kids know that we believe in them and will support them in pursuing their dreams no matter what. We do hope that they can find jobs to support these dreams or find ways to get paid to do what they love, however, because we don't want our future Oscar winners to live in our basement forever.