Who has two thumbs and loves orgasms? My guess, probably 97 percent of everyone with two thumbs. Orgasms are great, you guys! They're like the ringing of bells and rainbows radiating from your fancy bits! Partnered or on your own, they do so much to just make our lives brighter, and when it comes to the postpartum stage, well, who couldn't use a little vag rainbows? There are some things a postpartum orgasm will fix immediately, in fact, and in a way nothing else can.
The postpartum period under typical circumstances is difficult, to say the least, and different circumstances (traumatic birth, birth injury, time in the NICU, postpartum depression or anxiety, lack of maternity leave, etc.) can make it really damn difficult. So I don't mean to imply that a postpartum orgasm is going to cure anything that ails you. It's not like, "Oh, postpartum depression? Just go ahead and get off! You'll be back to yourself in no time." The postpartum period, and depression, do not work like that. So if you're suffering from postpartum depression, anxiety, or a physical ailment that hasn't gone away, definitely consult a health care professional.
That said, for the more fleeting problems, or for the times when we have the luxury of space and time to give our bodies some deep thought, an orgasm may just help do the trick. So with that in mind, here are some of the things a postpartum "O" might fix for you:
A Bad Mood
Bad moods and the postpartum period can go hand-in-hand, my friends. You're tired, you're sore, you're hormonal, and as a new (or even seasoned!) parent you probably don't know exactly what you're doing. But, in my experience, nothing turns that frown upside-down (or, rather, into a nice wide "O") quite like an orgasm. You're flooded with lots of "feel good" hormones and no small amount of tingles. It's hard to be salty when you're feeling so sweet.
Inexplicable Insomnia
Even though I was so tired when my children were newborns, I would occasionally find myself with the opportunity to sleep, but not the ability. It sucked. But a little bird told me that a quick and very enjoyable cure to that was a little bit of self-service.
You're welcome.
Body Insecurity
It's totally normal to have lots of feels about your body after you give birth. How it looks, how it feels, how it's changed, and how it still needs to heal are going to impact how you feel inside your body and how you feel about your body. This can, at times, be overwhelming. But in the midst of a postpartum orgasm, all that sort of melts away (at least for a little while) as you just sort of revel in the magnificent things your body is capable of.
That Stupid Look On Your Stupid Partner's Stupid Face
Another totally normal thing that happens in the postpartum period is the rising of tensions between even the most loving and cooperative of couples. Your beloved partner? Yeah, they're suddenly irritating. I mean, look at them just sitting there. Breathing! And why are they asking you if you need anything while they're up? What are they implying? Are they saying that you're helpless or something? Don't they know you just had a baby? Or how about that other time they got up and didn't ask you if you needed anything? What an inconsiderate jerk.
Yeah, a nice orgasm will clear that right up.
Thinking About How Your Poor Postpartum Body Still Has A Lot Of Healing To Do
Not feeling like yourself is one of the worst feelings in the world, especially if that also includes being in pain. And sometimes even the smallest of challenges, like walking to the bathroom or getting up from the couch, can feel insurmountable. You become convinced that this existence is going to be the rest of your life and it's incredibly depressing and discouraging.
But the intense rush of an orgasm will remind you that your body still has some life to it, and everything is going to be OK.
The Fear That It Would Never Happen Again
To be fair, a lot of very complicated and strenuous stuff went on "down there," so this is not an unreasonable fear. And while some people may, indeed, have trouble getting their groove back postpartum, most people will find they can get back into the swing of things without major incident.
Give You A Laugh If Your Boobs Leak
Without going into too much personal detail here, I just want you to know that you shouldn't be surprised or concerned if, when you orgasm, your nipples get super-excited and start spraying all over the place like a leaking waterbed. This is normal, it is healthy, it is nothing to be embarrassed about. And frankly, I think it's funny as hell.
Any Difficulty You've Had Achieving Orgasm In The Past
Some new moms are surprised that, after having a baby, orgasms come a little more easily than the did before. It's a magical and wonderful surprise, in large part because people don't often talk about the ways things get better in the pelvic region after popping out a kid. But, rest assured, some of the "shifting" that occurs happens for the better.
Remind You That Your Body Is Yours
With a new baby in tow, it's easy to start believing that your entire existence is meant to serve others. Newborns are demanding, beloved little task masters and caring for them can preclude doing anything for yourself.
But your body is, first and foremost, always and forever, yours. An orgasm is a gift we can get (or give ourselves) to remind ourselves of that fact.
War, Famine, & Pestilence
OK, so not really. But depending on how good an orgasm we're talking about it can feel that way sometimes, right?
