13 Things Your Kid Will Blame You For That You *Absolutely* Have No Control Over
bySteph Montgomery
Make no mistake, moms are the reason their children's lives run smoothly. In most families, moms are the default parent, scheduler, project manager, accountant, chef, teacher, nurse, lullaby singer, storybook reader, game player, and circus ringmaster. We spend our days (and nights) trying to make sure everything goes as planned and nothing falls through the cracks. Sometimes we manage to keep all the balls in the air, and sometimes those balls come crashing down. And when you can't make the magic happen, well, that's when your kid will blame you, the parent, for everything.
If you ask my kids, they'll tell you I can do the impossible. To them, I'm Wonder Woman. And, yes, most of the time I'm pretty good at maintaining a facade of omnipotence and Wonder Woman-level superpowers. The problem, though? Because they believe me to be some celestial being, they think I can control everything from the weather and the time the zoo closes, to the amount of homework their teacher doles out and the fact that I cannot, read minds. If anything, anything at all, goes wrong in their lives, I'm to blame.
Honestly, though, I know being a good mom has nothing to do with being able to make things work 100 percent of the time. As much as I wish that I could control the weather, and give my kids sunshine so they can enjoy those trips to the zoo, I can’t. I also don’t run Netflix, or decide which movies play at the local theater. No, I can't decide what goes on their favorite restaurant's menu, nor can I change the fact that their school requires them to wear clothes. There are things that are entirely beyond my control, and that's OK. I can take my kids blaming me for things that aren't my fault. Things that, for example, are sure to include the following:
They Lost Or Didn't Lose A Tooth
Of all the things my kids blame me for, the timing of when they lose teeth has got to be the weirdest. While I know it can be upsetting and emotional to lose a tooth, I don't actually have any control over when it happens. And if you want to lose one, yes, I can help things along, but only if said tooth is ready to come out.
The Contents Of A Vending Machine
It's not my fault that the vending machine is out of their favorite treat, stole their dollar, or refuses to disperse their purchase. You wouldn't know this from the looks my kids give me when it happens, though.
Flu Season
As much as flu shots hurt, they are necessary. I didn't create the flu, kids! Nor did I invent vaccinations and decide they're best administered via shot.
They Lost Something Important
If I had a dollar for every time my kids lose something, I would be able to retire today. Somehow, even if I remind them or help them look for said item, it's always my fault that they lost their shoe or can't find their homework or have misplaced a favorite toy.