Co-parenting successfully is no easy feat. While there is likely a good reason that you and your co-parent are not parenting under one roof together, you can (and should) make every effort to co-parent well together. Understanding what co-parenting habits for successful relationships look like can go a long way toward streamlining this process.
"To co-parent effectively, communication is key. Parents should remember the mantra that both parents are important to their child or children," attorney Sheryl J. Seiden tells Romper.
Children benefit greatly from successful co-parenting relationships. As a mom to a son whose father doesn't live with us and a stepmom to two children who spend time going between two homes, I can personally attest that strong co-parenting skills take consistent effort on the part of both parents. Still, the benefits far outweigh the potential struggles. The older your kids get, the more they will benefit from co-parents who can communicate effectively, provide consistency across multiple households, and keep their priorities straight. It's not always easy, of course: Staying on the same page takes lots of compromise and commitment, and a willingness to put negative emotions on the backburner when necessary. Keeping these seven co-parenting habits in mind can help you accomplish just that.
6
Be Mindful Of How You Communicate
Each person has different communication styles, but finding a way to communicate with your co-parent that works for you both is key to successfully navigating co-parenting issues. Seiden recommends that parents "give frequent but purposeful updates about your child’s or children’s wellbeing, be considerate and polite, and consider using technology to assist with communication." Above all, keeping your child's best interests at the center of your conversation and letting cool heads prevail will help keep communication streamlined.
"Do not have co-parenting discussions in front of your children, instead find time to speak privately," Judge Lake tells Romper. "Try your best to speak in person. Intentions can be misinterpreted via text and email. After the discussion, confirm your decisions in writing via text or email so there is no confusion."
Rajendran recommends that parents "create a favored way of speaking" to one another. "Otherwise, if you have 14 lines of communication open, no one will use anything, and communication will get stuck. For example, designate Whatsapp as your 'official' co-parenting communication channel, and stick to it."
7
Keep Communication Lines Open
Rajendran says that for her family, as well as families in the S'moresUp community, "a sense of free and open communication with two simple rules" has worked well — "Open and flexible and 'always on office hours,' but still with some structure." While not every family will be able to be as open and flexible with their communication schedule, being able to communicate regularly and consistently with your co-parent about your child is crucial.
"Knowing that you can always count on being able to talk to your co-parent about something — whether it’s a concern or an element of planning — is always very reassuring and incredibly useful. Both parties should feel that their voices will be heard by the other party, and nothing is too insignificant or annoying to talk about," Rajendran says. "Have a 'standing meeting' with your fellow co-parent — a quick phone call that’s always on your calendar. This talking, even though nothing may be wrong, proactively helps nip any potential future problems in the bud. This might be once a week or once a month. No matter when you schedule it, it should always be honored."
Experts:
Sheryl J. Seiden, founding partner of Seiden Family Law, LLC in Cranford, New Jersey, chair of the Family Law Section (FLEC) of the New Jersey State Bar Association
Judge Lauren Lake of Lauren Lake's Paternity Court
Priya Rajendran, CEO and co-founder of S'moresUp