I always knew I wanted to have more than one child. Having grown up with a younger brother (as much as I hated him at times), I can't imagine going through life without him. Once my daughter was around 3, I was ready to try again and — like my partner who handled it like a freakin' champ — there are responses every grown-ass man has when you tell him you want a second baby. (For the the record, it's not, "Why?" or an abrupt "No."
For me, the thing about feeling ready to start trying again meant the feeling wouldn't dissipate until I became pregnant again. It started as a vague thought and eventually morphed into, "I need another baby now!" Getting pregnant the first time was a real feat. On birth control, my partner and I definitely hadn't planned to be parents any time soon. We were young and unsure of our paths but, once we knew, there was no question we'd figure it out and have our baby. Scared but elated, that pregnancy was a learning experience in many ways. I essentially grew up through that process which is why it took some time after the birth to even think of having another. Still, once I had, there was no convincing me otherwise.
Sadly, my body disagreed as I'd have to first go through two miscarriages before successfully becoming pregnant again. As a stay-at-home mother to our first, my feelings of wanting another baby intensified through all of this and, at times, I felt hopeless. One thing that never, ever wavered was the support of my partner. As a grown-ass man, he knows that when something really matters to me, it should also matter to him. With that being said, here are some of his responses that every grown-ass man should abide by when his partner wants a second baby (in my humble opinion).
"Great!"
The first words out of my partner's mouth weren't anything remotely negative (even if he felt it inside). Instead, he hugged me, told me how great the news was, and, together, this was the beginning of a new chapter. Without that initial reaction, I may have been discouraged or alone. Grown-ass men know not to make their partners feel like their thoughts and feelings don't matter. Instead, they're supportive and encouraging. If he hadn't wanted to have a second baby, I'm confident he'd have used this moment to gently tell me so, but in a way that wouldn't deflate everything I dreamed of.
"I've Been Hoping You'd Say That"
Along with the excitement, my partner made it clear he'd wanted this to happen for some time and had been waiting on me to make the decision. Let me say that again: he wanted to wait until I was ready. That's the clearest sign of a grown-ass man; someone who's willing to put another's needs above his own.
While it was very clear later just how badly he'd wanted another child (and another five years after that), he kept it to himself until, again, I was ready.
"We Should Talk About This In More Depth"
Of course, a grown-ass man isn't going to be afraid to voice his actual opinion, too. Family planning is just that: planning. Both parties should be on the same page, which means a few choice conversations (or many, because hey, I don't know your relationship) are probably in order.
A grown-ass man won't stay clear of a discussion that needs to happen. Instead, he will facilitate a sit-down so you two can talk about options, next steps, and any other logistics that might go along with having another baby.
"What Can I Do For You?"
The moment the choice was made clear and we were both on board, the best words I could've heard were anything remotely about helping me. We already had a child so going on this new journey was kind of scary. I didn't know what would come of it, how miserable I'd be if pregnant, or that I'd go through those miscarriages. To know I had his utmost support was literally everything.
"Let Me Help More With Our First Child"
If you already have a child, and you're ready for a second, every grown-ass man should be on the front lines, volunteering to do more around the house, with the child, and really, anywhere he possibly can. It's a huge, daunting task to plan another pregnancy. Everything will change. I was OK with that but knowing my partner was willing to take on whatever necessary to make it work gave me the confidence to go forward with the plans.
"Here Are Some Of My Concerns..."
Here's the thing: just because you want a baby, doesn't mean your partner will want a baby. Maybe they have some serious (and valid) concerns, that you might have not yet considered. Maybe they just don't know if the two of you can care for another child at all.
While they should never put down your feelings or talk down to you, a grown-ass man should feel secure within himself (and his relationship) enough to truly voice any problems he may or may not have with expanding his family. Communication is key, my friend.
"When Can We Start?"
I mean, having a partner be on board is pretty great, but having one who's ready to start trying right away is next level amazing. My partner didn't hesitate and I'm so grateful for all he did and said to make me feel like my feelings mattered and that we were absolutely on this life journey, together — especially when all that "trying" first ended in loss before a successful pregnancy.
Regardless of how you partner feels when you tell them you're ready for the next baby, it's important he act like a grown-ass man and, at the very least, treat you with the love and respect you deserve.
