Life
It seems like the moment you give birth, everyone's wondering about the next time you'll put your body through 40 weeks (more or less) of intense change. You could be covered in sweat, mid-episiotomy sew, and someone will ask you about "the next one." I mean, WTF? In my experience, being a mom seems to strip everyone else of their sense of social decency, so you should prepare some responses to the question, "When are you having another baby?" At the very least, you shouldn't be caught off-guard. Hopefully.
My daughter was only a few hours old when someone felt like asking me when I was going to have baby number two. After enduring nine months of a hellish pregnancy — with intense morning sickness and hypertension — I was excited to say goodbye to pregnancy and get back to feeling like myself. And after a three-day labor and delivery, the very last thing I was even considering was putting my mind and body through another pregnancy. All I wanted was to focus on was the baby I just had.
Plus, and I don't know about you, but I wanted to give my downstairs a rest before even looking at my husband, so another baby? No thank you. So if someone seems hellbent on bugging you about your reproductive choices days, weeks, months, or even years (hell, ever!) after you've had a baby, just tell them one of the following:
"When I'm Discharged From The Hospital For More Than A Minute"
I know everyone is mega excited for a new baby, but come on! No mom wants to talk about another baby immediately after giving birth. Not even when they get home from the hospital. Not a month later. Perhaps not even a year later. So just cool your jets, people.
"When Are *You* Having Another Baby?"
If you're willing to ask a new mom this question, be ready to answer it yourself. Doesn't matter if you're a cisgender man, experiencing menopause, or a child. I refuse to answer this intrusive question unless you do.
"When The First One Can Drive"
My youngest is in kindergarten. When he's gearing up to take his driver's test, come at me with the whole "having another baby" thing and we'll discuss it. Until then, please keep this question buried inside your brain.
"When I Can Walk Without A Squirt Bottle Or Ice Packs"
You know what post-delivery life looks like? There's a lot of blood, maxi-pads, big underwear, pain, ice packs, and a water bottle meant for cooling down your burning nether regions. It's not sexy (because it's not meant to be), it's uncomfortable, and I don't feel like discussing another baby at this moment, thanks.
"In Another Dimension, I Already Have One"
Who's to say this scenario hasn't already played out billions of times, in billions of different ways? I'm no scientist, but if you're really coming at me about baby news, maybe you should consider I've already answered you in another realm.
"When My Cats Get Over The First Baby"
My cats have had to adjust to two children coming into their lives, so I'm not sure they'll forgive me if a bring another kid into the mix. In fact, they might start a revolt and take over the house completely. I'd rather not risk it.
"When I Win The Lottery I Don't Play"
When someone asks when you're having another baby, or when you're getting married, or when you're [insert any big life thing here], you can always count on the old lottery response to buy you the time you need to run away.
"It's Truly None Of Your Business"
Succinct, to the point, and true. When in doubt, just tell this Nosey Nancy that when, or if, you bring another baby into the fold is entirely your business... and none of theirs.
