Life
Sometimes, we can’t help ourselves. We’re feeling a little smug about our parenting skills in the wake of our children acting cooperatively and peacefully at the dinner table with friends, and get temporarily giddy about these practically perfect five minutes of behavior. We say something, and though it’s meant to be light-hearted, it comes out judgmental. Usually that "something" is about another kid's eating habits and, without intention, we’re shaming that child (and his or her caregiver).
I have been the jerk and commented on someone else’s kid. It’s only when another parent did the same about my own child did I get that much-needed reality check. That time my son was still focused on the cake while the rest of the children had moved on to musical chairs at a birthday party stands out, in particular. Another parent remarked on my kid’s cake priority, with no intention, I’m sure, of making anyone feel bad. In that moment, thought, I felt defensive, angry, and embarrassed that I have said similar things.
Every day I learn how to be a parent. I’m almost nine years in and, while I’m definitely better at dealing with certain aspects of motherhood, I am still far from perfect. I’m not proud of them, but it’s important to share my parenting fails and how I (inevitably) learn from them. Don’t you feel a lot better about yourself after learning how somebody else messed up? I know I do.
Here are some things people, including me, have said about other kid’s eating habits that are actually shaming:
“What A Waste Of Food”
I have this thought a lot when my kids don’t finish what’s on their plate. I was raised in the “Clean Plate Club,” a holdover from my grandparents’ mentality about food as it pertained to rationing. My parents were born a few years after World War II ended, so they were given speeches about “starving children” in war-torn countries, and that my parents (kids at the time) shouldn’t let their dinners go to waste. I’m sure that generation of children developed unhealthy eating habits which focused more on quantity than on quality, and health.
My parents passed down that same way of thinking when I was a kid and I swore I wouldn’t make my children finish their meals if and when they felt satisfied. Eating is not about volume: it’s mostly about nutrition. I serve small amounts to my kids, and I tell them they can always ask for more. This helps us keep waste to a minimum, and it teaches them to really listen to their body and how much food it needs. It took me way too long to develop that skill because I was too focused on cleaning my plate.
“Not A Fan Of Vegetables, Is He?”
Very few adults are fans of vegetables. That children typically reject green stuff is not news. Try re-phrasing that to say, “I can totally relate to how he feels about veggies.” Then, try not to look horrified as I dump a load of ketchup on his string beans to get him to eat them.
“So They Eat The Same Thing For Lunch, Every Single Day?”
Yes, I pack my kids the same things for lunch every day. I would gladly switch it up, if they would eat other stuff. But hummus and pretzels, and apple slices and two cookies is what they want, sort of hits most food groups, and doesn’t come back in their lunchboxes uneaten. It also makes my life infinitely easier, though I sort of feel like a bad mom for not deviating from the routine and exposing them to a wider variety of tastes and textures throughout the week. But there are other meals for that.