Here Are All The Things Beyonce's Twins Are Doing When She Goes Out

Once a popular musician, Beyoncé has given birth to children and as such, her sole identity is now a mother and caregiver to her offspring. The public was kind enough to let it slide for a while after her first child, Blue Ivy, was born, but now that she's got three kids, she really shouldn't be leaving the house without them. Apparently, she didn't get the memo, though, and the world is very concerned about what on Earth Beyoncé's twins are doing when she goes out. Are they stored safely in her purse? Are they watching R-rated movies all alone? Could they possibly have been left in the care of their male parent, a team of nannies, or another adult? How are they surviving without their mom?

Every mom understandably needs a break now and then, which is why they put mailboxes all the way at the end of the driveway. But according to People, Beyoncé and JAY-Z went out for sushi "just seven weeks after welcoming their twins." Good lord! I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure an umbilical cord can't stretch more than a mile or so. She's also attended a Missy Elliott concert, which I suppose could have been a professional networking event, and TMZ spotted her at a roller rink. What if she fell down and broke her boobs? How are those babies going to eat?

Sir and Rumi Carter are probably getting into all kinds of things at home without their mom's supervision. Here are just a few things they might be doing:

Throwing Wild Parties

Maybe things are different nowadays, but when I was young, kids threw ragers when their parents went out of town. I hope Beyoncé doesn't mind coming home from Nobu to find juice all over the walls and smashed Goldfish crackers ground into the carpet.

Illegal Gambling

With three kids in the house and only two superstar entertainers' salaries to live on, the twins are probably hard up for cash. Could they be running an unlicensed casino for Hollywood tots?

Drugs

It's hard to tell, since they don't have teeth yet, but what if Sir and Rumi are on whatever new drug the kids (read: newborns) are into these days? We don't know!

Getting Robbed

The Carter twins are less than 2 months old, which means they're probably too short to reach the deadbolt and alarm keypad at home. They'll have to use paint cans and tarantulas to keep burglars out of the house, the poor dears.

Or Robbing Others!

If that underground poker game doesn't provide enough cash, the kids might be tempted to start a junior Bling Ring and start stealing from their neighbors. Watch out, Paris Hilton!

Or maybe — bear with me, this one's a little crazy — maybe they're just sleeping most of the time, and occasionally being fed a bottle by a capable relative or hired professional. Anything's possible.