I feel like the animators of CoComelon fell asleep, had some insane summer daydream, and turned it into JJ’s family kitchen. The honeycomb on the walls, the bees on the cabinets, the freaking beehive with honey HANGING FROM A TREE over the oven — it’s all so unhinged and perfect at the same time. Do you remember the designer Hildi from Trading Spaces? The one who did shit like glue feathers or flowers or hay to the walls? This would be a kitchen she designed, only it would be real honeycomb and like a glass beehive built into the walls.

JJ’s family said smell ya later to two-tone cabinets and marble countertops and I salute them for it. That sink isn’t fit for a farmhouse.

This is actually a very nice, ‘90s-sitcom-feeling living room for Cody’s family. I’m a big fan of all the green (y’know, because Cody is in green) and I can appreciate the purple chair and blue couch going together. But that window seat? It’s so good. Do we think Cody’s dad built that? Do we think Cody’s mom called a contractor in between her busy day as the only pediatrician in town to make them happen? Who chose the perfect green gingham? Cody’s family said, “Neutrals? Never heard of her.” and I respect the hell out of it.

This is a pretty normal bathroom with the ocean theme (LAZY, you guys already gave J.J. a whole pirate ship bed and ocean stuff), but the storage. Look at all the storage! There’s like a rack of towels, but also a mini linen closet and still all this room for them to do an entire song-and-dance routine to help three children brush their teeth? I’m moving in.

Also, what are y’all doing to those floors, boo? Are you using the bleach and powdered Tide mopping method or what? They are truly sparkling.

I’m realizing there’s a lot more ocean themes than I thought on CoComelon, but let’s cut right to the chase: Miss Appleberry has never had to worry about a budget. Look at that classroom. They’re doing yoga. The classroom is enormous, yet she has a very nice teacher:student ratio. The cubbies go with the theme and there are rugs everywhere. In other episodes, she’s able to bring each child out their own clock rug. Never in her entire teaching career at this school has Miss Appleberry had to ask children to share a textbook.

JJ’s parents see you TikTok cleaning influencers with your child’s black and white bedrooms and vintage wallpaper and raise you a literal boat in the middle of their son’s room. There is no floor bed here, there are no calming colors, there is only an enormous boat bed and the most elaborate wallpaper you’ve ever seen. Bonus: the paneling work. I mean, that’s just classy.

So much to unpack here, I can’t wait. Let’s talk about these pillows first. Fruit! Sliced watermelon pillows and round watermelon pillows and watermelon-themed cushions and y’all — this isn’t a summer-only decor choice. This is Christmas, and the watermelon pillows are still there. *Chef’s kiss.*

And can we just talk about these decorations? Not a single farmhouse ornament to be found, no white beads, no glittering candles, no crocheted or monogrammed stockings — just a little bit of everything literally everywhere. Pure joy.

This is a treehouse in their backyard. You can keep all of your white shiplap playhouses with brass hardware — the real playspace goal is an enormous tree hut with a bucket and pulley system on the side and a telescope. I will not be discussing this further.