Sex & Relationships

these are signs he or she is sexually satisfied
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13 Signs Your Partner (& You) Are Sexually Satisfied

6. You agree on what “good sex” means to you both.

by Jill Di Donato and Mackenzie Sylvester
Originally Published: 

If you and your partner were stranded on a desert island, how much time would you spend doing it? If you answered 24/7, that's one of the signs you sexually satisfy your partner, and your partner satisfies you. But in real life, how can you tell if you're good in bed?

Maybe you’re constantly wondering if your partner is having a good time. Maybe you’re unsure if your man enjoys your sex as much as you do. You might even think that just wanting to know the signs your woman is sexually satisfied makes you needy. But that's far from the truth. While it’s not a partner’s job to “sexually satisfy” the person they are with, it's fine for you to want validation, sexual or otherwise. According to a 2017 study published in Consumer Psychology Review, the desire for maintaining a positive self-concept, aka validation, is one of the strongest sources of motivation in human behavior. Given that validation has positive effects on how you live your life (in and out of bed), there's no reason to get down on yourself for wanting to know if you sexually please your partner.

Just make sure you check your motivations for wanting sexual approval from your partner. When wondering about the signs he or she is satisfied sexually, are you wondering because you want a pat on the back for a job well done, or are you afraid that your partner might stray if you're not great in bed? Although many partners do cheat because the sex in their current relationship isn't satisfying, just as many people cheat because they lack emotional connection.

In other words, your sex life doesn't define the sum total of your relationship. And that old adage about communication being key in a healthy partnership holds true here as well. There's no harm in asking your partner about your sexual performance, but just note that sexual satisfaction will look different for everyone. “There is no one cast-in-stone definition of a great sex life beyond what you are happy and satisfied with, because people are different in terms of their sex drives, specific sexual desires, [and] their emotional lives as related to sex,” Carol Queen, Ph.D., sex educator and staff sexologist at Good Vibrations, tells Romper.

“One way to get to an answer for any specific person or couple is ‘know thyself (or selves)’ — understanding your ideal sex life and compatibility comes from this level of knowing what is and isn't important to you,” adds Queen. That said, you can still be on the lookout for the following basic signs that you sexually satisfy your partner.


You're an active listener

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Being an active listener requires commitment, interest, empathy, and generosity. If you’re not actively seeking sexual feedback and listening to your partner’s responses, you may miss out on what your partner needs. “Our sexual needs, wants, [and] desires change,” notes Lee, “subtle as they might be…There’s the spirit of lifelong learning to think of — and of course, learning more about what could satisfy your partner more.”


You can communicate about sex

Being an active listener is just one facet of good communication. According to Queen, the ability to communicate well about sex with your partner is something that may absolutely play into sexual satisfaction. “This will mean you can probably approach your partner comfortably when you're sexually interested and respond to their overtures (including being kind if you need [or] want to say no, since a great sex life has room for boundaries and not-right-now's),” they tell Romper, adding that communication and self-awareness are key to ensure consent.


You're perceptive

If you think you're sexually satisfying your partner, chances are you actually are. A 2014 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that you should trust your gut when it comes to your sexual skills.

“Being perceptive is not just about life, but also having self-awareness of what one feels and does, as well as owing the ability to reflect on personal experiences and social experiences, including sexual experiences,” Dr. Martha Lee, D.H.S., relationship counselor, clinical sexologist, author, and owner of Eros Coaching, tells Romper. Being perceptive is a sign that you know how to read all kinds of situations, including how your mate thinks you perform.


You spend time cuddling after sex

A different study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior indicated that couples who are sexually satisfied with each other like to cuddle, caress, and share moments of intimacy after sex. This study found that women especially felt more sexually satisfied when their partners showed post-sex affection. So, spending time cuddling is one of the key signs you satisfied her. “Cuddling releases the love hormone (or bonding hormone) oxytocin,” explains Lee, “which in turn is well-established as a favorite activity following orgasm.”


You enjoy yourself in bed, too

If you’re not even having fun, do you really expect that they are? Sex and pleasure isn’t a one-way street (unless you’re having sex with yourself, of course). “It's logical to assume pleasing your partner is the most important thing when you're assessing whether you sexually satisfy them,” says Queen. “But having a great time, being responsive, [and] being orgasmic tends to be partner-pleasing as well, both because that can be reassuring to them, and because it's just sexy when your partner is highly aroused and having a great time.”


You agree on what “good sex” means

While it’s fine for you and your partner to want some different things in bed, you do want to share some core desires and ideas of sexual enjoyment, according to Queen. You shouldn’t be going into sex with a “just do what your partner wants to do" attitude, says Queen. Things like what kinds of sex you want to have, how often, and when will help you gauge whether you’re sexually compatible with each other.


Your partner gets romantic

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If you find rose petals at the foot of the bed, a common sexual fantasy, pat yourself on the back and then do what you do so well, because romance like this can be a sign your partner is very pleased with all the happenings in the bedroom. “Your partner is going the extra mile because they want to keep things fresh — because you matter,” says Lee. “If it’s not true love, or the start of [it], I don’t know what it is.”


You’re emotionally connected

According to a 2012 study published in the International Journal of Impotence Research, emotional intimacy is a huge predictor of sexual satisfaction. Queen agrees, telling Romper that feeling engaged with your SO emotionally and having emotionally connected sex can be an indicator of satisfaction. Although this might look and feel different for different types of people and couples, “you will likely know if the emotions don't feel right,” Queen says.


Your partner is always learning new tricks

If your partner is constantly expanding their repertoire of sexual skills, that could be a sign they want to satisfy you because you're satisfying them. “Your partner might be wanting to learn more sexual techniques because you are also modeling your own curiosity, creativity, and exploring around sex and sexuality,” notes Lee. However, she adds that your openness could be either an inspiration or it could be felt as pressure, so you’ll want to have an open line of communication about that.


You have spontaneous sex

One of the signs your partner is satisfied sexually is if they are wanting spontaneous sex. Why? “Perhaps you’re having spontaneous sex because it’s the honeymoon phase, or maybe reaching out to one another is just easy, mutual, and fun,” says Lee. It’s also a common sexual fantasy, and it means that you both can't wait to get it on, meaning your partner is a big fan of your sex life.


You don’t brag about being good in bed

The golden rule of sex is that people who brag about how good they are usually are overcompensating. “No need to brag because you have the inner [knowledge], and also you get your validation, appreciation, [and] praise from your partner,” notes Lee. So, conversely, if you don't find yourself bragging about your sexual skills, that's a sign that you know you're satisfying your partner.


Your partner also does their part in bed

If a partner satisfies you on the regular, take that as a sign that he or she is super invested in your sexual relationship. Why? “The less hang-ups we have around different sexual acts, the more options we have in and out of the bedroom,” explains Lee. If you’re engaging in lots of oral sex and other pleasurable activities, chances are you guys have an intimate relationship that gets you both off.


Your partner flirts with you after sex

Sure, some people may be likely to say many sweet nothings to get a person into bed. But if they’re super flirty post-coitus, take that as a sign that they’ve been sexually satisfied by your skills. If your partner doesn’t just up and leave after sex, but instead sticks around and flirts with you, Lee says it’s a sign of a positive sexual experience. “They feel comfortable around you — and they want you around for more future experiences,” they say.

You might not always recognize that the traits you have in life translate to how effectively you perform in bed. But they do, so have a look at yourself and not just your partner to gauge your sexual prowess.

Studies referenced:

Touré-Tillery, M., & Fishbach, A. (2017). Three sources of motivation. Consumer Psychology Review, 1(1), 123–134.

Lewandowski, G. W. (2021, March 22). The 8 reasons why people cheat. Psychology Today. Retrieved April 26, 2022, from

Fallis EE, Rehman US, Purdon C. Perceptions of partner sexual satisfaction in heterosexual committed relationships. Arch Sex Behav. 2014 Apr;43(3):541-50. doi: 10.1007/s10508-013-0177-y. Epub 2013 Aug 29. PMID: 23990145

Muise, A., Giang, E. & Impett, E.A. Post Sex Affectionate Exchanges Promote Sexual and Relationship Satisfaction. Arch Sex Behav 43, 1391–1402 (2014).

Pascoal, P., Narciso, I. & Pereira, N. Emotional intimacy is the best predictor of sexual satisfaction of men and women with sexual arousal problems. Int J Impot Res 25, 51–55 (2013).

Sources interviewed:

​​Dr. Martha Lee, D.H.S., relationship counselor, clinical sexologist, author, and owner of Eros Coaching

Carol Queen, Ph.D., sex educator and staff sexologist at Good Vibrations

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