Valentine's Day
Because the sexiest thing you can do is make them laugh.
For being a holiday built on the basis of love and sex, Valentine’s Day seems like such serious business. If you’re happily coupled, you’re probably preoccupied trying to pick out a present for your partner (and, ahem, hoping you get one in return) and making sure that everything is picture perfect. And if you’re single as a Pringle, you might be celebrating the holiday with your closest galentines, commiserating about the lack of potential partners out there. But where’s the merriment and mirth that should be a part of a day that’s all about appreciation and, you know, passion? If you need an ice breaker or some playful way to let your loved one know what’s in store for later, these dirty Valentine’s Day jokes will totally turn you on.
But are jokes supposed to be sexy? Shouldn’t Valentine’s Day jokes just be cheesy odes to love? Not necessarily — in fact, funny is sexy in so many ways. Making your lover laugh is foreplay at its finest. So if you’re looking to giggle with a gal pal (or send your sweetie a message), you can use these dirty Valentine’s Day jokes as a way to show them what’s to come (wink wink).
1
Catch my drift?
A card isn’t the only thing you’ll be opening tonight.
2
Hey, it beats folding laundry.
You’re my favorite thing to do on Valentine’s Day.
3
You’ll never look at your kid’s cocoa the same way again.
We’re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You’re hot and I want to be on top of you.
4
Suds are so sexy.
You’re my favorite shower buddy.
5
Hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity dog.
You’re the only wiener for my bun.
6
Particularly if it’s pump-ernickel bread.
Q: What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?
A: “I want you inside me.”
7
Or the couch. Or the loo.
I love you to the bedroom and back.
8
You can repent later.
Valentine’s Day might be named after a saint, but tonight all I want to do is sin.
9
Finally found it.
You’re cliterally the best.
10
It’s a cunning joke.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Get on your knees
You know what to do.
11
Spoiler: It’s from The Lion King.
You can hakuna ma tata’s anytime.
12
Straight to the point.
It’s Valentine’s Day. We should probably have sex.
13
TBH, it’s a big bow and arrow.
Is that Cupid’s arrow in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?
14
Big on the booty
I like your style, I like your class. But most of all, I like your ass.
15
You never know what you’re gonna get.
I’m going to eat you like a box of Valentine’s Day chocolates.
16
Every rose has its thorn.
Guys are like roses. Watch out for the pricks.
17
With a side of sausage, please.
You’re like breakfast: great in bed.
18
Not the way you remember it from childhood
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I’m using my hand
Thinking of you.
19
It rhymes with “clock...”
I love you around the clock
I love your body, your mind and your soul
And not just your massive… heart.
20
Wilma, is that you?
I’m no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock.
21
This ain’t Build-A-Bear, baby
I don’t want a stuffed animal for Valentine’s Day. Stuff me instead.
22
It’s like buttah
I’m like butter. You can spread me anytime.
23
Weighted blankets are out.
My ideal body weight is yours on top of mine.
24
Good thing VS had that panty sale...
Roses are red
Violets are blue
My panties are wet
Just thinking of you.
25
Magical creatures, indeed
You make me feel like a unicorn. Wild and horny.
26
Yes, it all adds up.
Tonight, 2/14 is going to add up to the number 69.
27
Has a nice “ring” to it
Some girls want a big rock on Valentine’s Day. I want something that rhymes with that.
28
Telling it like it is.
Having your period on Valentine’s Day
Is a pain in the ass.
29
A dirty remix
“I can see you... cumming in my hair tonight.” Or whatever Phil Collins said.
Even though Valentine’s Day might seem like it’s all about sweet love songs and romantic gestures, let’s get real: it’s about the sex, sweetie. And if you’re looking to get some action between the sheets, in the shower, (or heck, in your laundry room), break out one of these dirty Valentine’s Day jokes for some giggles — and hopefully some orgasms, too.
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