Divorce is one of the hardest things anyone can ever go through, regardless of how necessary it is or the circumstances that got you there. When my ex-husband and I first separated, I was devastated. Not only for myself, but for my then-2 month old daughter. I hated the thought of her not having a family, of having to leave me every other weekend, but I also had to be selfless. Because regardless of how it all ended, you have to know how to stay on good terms with your ex, because your child's happiness depends on it.
I know, it's easier said than done. Trust me, if anybody is going to be your ally in this, it's me. You're hurt, you're angry, you're heartbroken, and you're worried about your child. I get it. It's incredibly hard to co-parent with someone you're no longer with, let alone actually get along with them. Divorce is such an emotional time, and the hardest part about trying to stay on good terms with your ex is that your children get caught up in the madness.
You're angry that your ex never listens to you about your child wearing a helmet, so now you're arguing with your kid over how daddy is wrong. Your ex cheated on you and now wants to bring the other woman around your toddler, so you cut off visitation. Your ex refuses to answer the phone when you call them and now no one's communicating about your kid's after-school activities.
But look, if you want to stay on good terms with your ex, there's one way to get it done: You have to remember that you are never fully divorced.
I know, you signed all the papers, you have your maiden name back, you've got your own place — but you have a child. And that child means you are always going to be connected to your ex. You are always going to have to deal with them, see them, and interact with them.
So is all the fighting necessary? Is it worth it to constantly be at odds with someone you're going to have in your life forever? No one's saying you have to put up with nonsense, abuse, or anger, but you are going to have to learn how to get along with them.
It's so easy to choose to see your ex as your ex. But you have to look at them as your child's parent. I've been there and I've done it. For the sake of your kid and yourself, you need to be on good terms with your ex and these five tips can help. It may take some time and it will definitely take some work on both you and your ex's part, but if you keep your little one in the front of your mind, it always works out.