Moms Are Worried About Their Sons Post-Election, Too

When Trump won in 2016, there was a groundswell movement to protect women's rights. Suddenly there were seemingly endless books and think pieces about where women go from there, and how to raise the next generation of strong girls despite the obvious obstacles. But — as has been reported countless times in the years since — there's been no equivalent for boys. Survey after survey shows that young men have reported feeling left behind by American culture, thanks to gaps in education, “free-thinking” podcasters like Joe Rogan, and a TikTok algorithm that often surfaces misogyny. And recent political polls showed voting age men moving increasingly rightward and embracing the rhetoric of the far right, and the sexism and bigotry that come with it. Last week’s election results bore out this prediction: in overwhelming numbers, Gen Z men — specifically white men — voted for President-Elect Trump, who also embraced such rhetoric with gusto.

For many parents, whether they’re in blue, red or purple states, it is increasingly obvious that now, it’s the boys who are not alright. As moms, we know we have an opportunity to — quickly — find ways to model empathy, justice, media literacy, and critical thinking skills for our sons. We obviously must install robust YouTube filters. If nothing else, it is clear that parents are ready to meet this moment with the urgency it requires: Our reporters heard from over 100 parents eager to talk about raising boys in 2024 (and beyond).

Here’s what just some of them had to say:

We have to explicitly teach boys about justice and inclusion.

Rebecca K., Lynchburg, Virginia

“I have two boys, 12 and 14, and discussing politics and inclusion is part of our everyday life. When the news comes on the radio in the car we talk, when we see something gross in ‘80s movies I comment on the ‘why’ that isn't acceptable. I try to point out how things impact other people. My greatest fear is to raise an Alex P. Keaton, so we try to just make it a natural, everyday part of what we talk about.

Yesterday I sat both of them down and told them that while they would be ok, not everyone in our country would be and that it was their duty to use their privilege to call people out when they saw things that went against our values. To stand up for others and to protect them.”

Jamilah M., Chicago suburbs

“I feel concerned. Sad. I don’t want my son thinking that racist rhetoric, removing the rights of others, and thinking that being crude and disrespectful is normal and the right thing to do. Prior to the election, I listened to an episode of The Daily and it talked about young men in this country and they had such narrow definitions of what it is to be a man.

I fear that the far-right is everywhere, in podcasts, video games, movies, etc., indoctrinating the next generation of young men. I want to make sure my boys have a foundation based on equality for all. That they are well-educated. I want them to understand that their value isn’t based on who they can oppress.

I am trying to lean into strategy and action — not fear. But it is hard. I want the best for my boys and the best feels very far away now.”

Caroline S., Charlottesville, VA

“My son is still just a three-year-old but I keep thinking about how I will be intentional about teaching him what masculinity is and what it isn't. How to identify men who abuse their perceived power. I think about how I will teach him about consent and respect for women (not just assume he will know it). I want to show him examples of powerful women so he only knows a world where women are seen as being able to do anything a man can. And I want to show him examples of men who demonstrate kindness, empathy, an open mind, and respect.”

Jamie K., Connecticut

“The fact that this election saw enthusiastic Gen Z support for right wing politics, particularly among white men, really shook me. My husband and I have always been extremely worried about our son, who is 13, facing the forces of online radicalization one day. Our conversations about dog whistles, misogyny, transphobia, and conspiracy theories started early and are ongoing. They've yielded some really great, important conversations at home. But now I'm genuinely worried about him among his male peers. My son is extremely opinionated and not afraid to open his mouth. I love that about him, but in this political atmosphere, I worry how the boys around him will react to that.”

Let’s prioritize our sons’ emotional development.

Corey K., Scottsdale, Arizona

“I still have a lot of hope for the younger generation, and I also think we are at a real precipice. I think boys are becoming better versed in emotions, but something we need to collectively work on is where do we then channel those feelings? There are endless pipelines to hateful outlets. There are so many big feelings and such anger. We could be a lot better at creating opportunities for young people to channel those feelings into age-appropriate, productive action.”

Maria S., Chicago, Illinois

“For a decade I have been concerned about the absence of a narrative that affirms my boys’ development as the beautiful, capable, insightful, empathetic, and generous boys they are. They are growing up in an environment that tells them the future is female.

It really is too bad that the progressive movement did not craft a vision for healthy masculinity strong enough to offer an alternative. I’m worried and disappointed and also feel alone. I don’t feel safe talking about this with my friends.

We desperately need a healthy way to talk about what it means to be a boy with the sophistication and care we have applied to the conversation on girls. I am a committed feminist and want each person to flourish and grow to be who they are, and that includes boys, with their beauty, and particular ways to engage the world. It cannot be a taboo.”

It’s high-time to be vigilant about misinformation, and the algorithms that promote it.

Kimberly C., Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

“I think one of the biggest issues plaguing boys at this time is how they are getting their information. Their views on women, race, and politics are being shaped by what they see online, by social media influencers or podcasters who are credible in the eyes of young people. Many times it starts innocently enough by following another teen or streamer who posts funny or entertaining videos but over time it can then spiral into something more sinister.

I worry about what this could mean for how their entire worldviews are shaped. It's frightening.”

Anonymous

“I know my teen boys will hear competing messages from all sides. My 13-year-old tells me he sees Andrew Tate pop up on YouTube and has to click ‘not interested,’ but it keeps happening. We live in a diverse, welcoming, progressive community where my kids have immigrant friends, queer friends, wealthy friends, and friends who struggle to make ends meet. I see how this has given them compassionate hearts and a desire to understand the lived experiences of others, but I worry every day it won’t be enough.

We talk about what’s on the internet, indoctrination, and misinformation. I pay for subscriptions to reliable newspapers and log them into quality news apps on their phones to push back against the algorithm, but with a serial cheater held liable for sexual assault in office, it feels at times like trying to put a cap on a blasting firehose as this country venerates dishonorable men.”

Laura R., Dallas-Ft. Worth, Texas

“As a pediatrician and mom in Texas, I am generally concerned about public health and RFK’s stance on vaccines. I am also very worried about public education being affected by Project 2025. It also sickens me that the president of the United States, a position that commands respect and dignity, is a convicted felon and found liable for sexual assault. What message does that send to our sons? I’ve seen multiple posts where boys are saying in school, ‘Your body, my choice.’ I’ve heard how JD Vance speaks about his wife and children as if he shouldn’t be helping her. What does that tell our boys? I worry that the misogynistic attitude is going to filter down for generations.”

Who is in your son’s community and how will they influence him?

Katie F., Florida

“My husband and I were already thinking of moving out of Florida to live somewhere with seasons. Now, with Trump promising to dismantle the Dept. of Education and turn abortion rights and more over to the states, we are dead-set on relocating to a blue state. We don’t want to raise a young white man here, in a state that bans books conservatives don’t like, strips AP African American history courses of content, and prohibits discussion of LGBTQ+ people and families (don’t say gay!) in schools. Moving is a privilege not everyone has, but frankly, we refuse to raise a bigot. Keeping our son in Florida means we’d be constantly fighting to prevent exactly that.”

Anna P., Brooklyn, New York

“My son's school is very diverse and he's very aware of the mutual aid work being done to make sure all our families have what they need, and also aware of the precarious situation of some of his friends who've recently arrived from other countries. When Trump won, he immediately became scared that some of his friends might have to leave.

I'm not worried about him in terms of his heart and mindset, but what terrifies me is that boys everywhere have such concrete evidence that it doesn't matter if they break the law or violate someone else's body — they can truly do whatever they want and be as mediocre and hateful as they want, and it won't hold them back. What a horrible example for our boys and men. I think my son knows this is wrong now, but part of me is definitely scared that as he grows up, it'll become easier and easier for him to lose sight of that.”

Elise B., Charlottesville, Virginia

Our kid is now 18, which means we have less influence over him than ever at the same time that he is statistically most susceptible to stumbling into the manosphere. It's a tough combo. I remember saying at one point, “Buddy, Be careful hanging out with girls from the super-conservative Presbyterian high school; if somebody gets knocked up, IT COULD RUIN YOUR LIFE BECAUSE SHE MIGHT HAVE THE BABY AND FORCE YOU INTO TEEN FATHERHOOD.” We made it a joke, but, you know, we weren't joking.

Now that he's in college and has made a ton of new friends, my husband and I ask about their backgrounds and how he thinks their cultural and political upbringings affect their current values and therefore his friendships with them. I think this breeds curiosity and also more casually reiterates our values. We also ask a lot about his and his peers' media diets and send him articles about TikTok and boys his age falling prey to white supremacy. Though he'll encounter this stuff and make his own decisions, we want to at least make sure his eyes are wide open, that none of it will sneak up on him.

Jessica S., Denver, CO

“One of my brothers is a big RFK fan who probably voted for Trump. His life hasn't gone very well; he's a very different person from me and our other brothers. The last time I saw him, he was lying shirtless on my parents' lawn, chugging a diet energy drink and listening to some horrible thing from Joe Rogan and the like that upsets her. He and I only see each other every few years, and honestly, I'm too busy with work and my kids to care. It's not like that for my mom. She tries really hard to get him to spend time with her, but he'll flake on her or show up and say some horrible thing. Their dynamic really makes me wonder how possible it is for any of us to shape our sons. I definitely want to try.”

Our ideas about masculinity need to be deconstructed and remade.

Stephanie B., Evanston, Illinois

“I want to come up with a plan to make sure I’m raising him to be the best of us, but it’s still so fresh that the only thing I keep coming back to is that I for sure want to raise a son who is not willing to take away anyone’s rights.

F*ck masculinity. Masculinity can't be blamed for all the hate in this country, but it certainly plays a role in the hatred of women. I never wanted to raise my son to conform to ‘gender roles’ and I never wanted to raise a ‘masculine’ son. I want to raise a good, kind, caring person who does what he loves without judgment from his family.”

Kimberly C., Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

“I have asked my husband to be more vocal about what makes a ‘man’ — how you can be tough but also compassionate and respectful. I’ve also asked him to talk with the boys more about what they are seeing online, how to question what they are seeing and why someone may be biased and to use critical thinking skills.”

Deb P., Evanston, Illinois

“I want my son to know that his masculinity is part of him, but it’s not all of him, and that the ‘you have to be a man’ mentality is not the most important thing, and that he is raised with a level of emotional intelligence that he recognizes. Not just his own feelings, but the feelings of others.”

Hannah H., Raleigh, North Carolina

“Masculinity is a social construct. It may have served us well in previous generations, but now it is holding our country back. We need to deconstruct some of those harmful beliefs, both with our children and the men in our lives.”

Erin G., Chicago, Illinois

“It is my job as a mother of boys to interrogate the conditioning of gender that exists at every touch point of their daily lives: from the length of their hair; to the color and style of their clothing; to the sports that they play; to the activities they enjoy; to their decisions and interest in jewelry or nail polish or makeup; to the friends they make; to the music they listen to; to the messages I communicate; to the stereotypes I refute.

And it is my job to protect them — and give them the strength, fortitude and language to protect themselves — from an outside world whose narrow-minded view of what it means to be a boy could crush their spirits, heart and potential.”

Interviews have been edited and condensed for clarity.

Reporting by L’Oreal Thompson Payton and Meg St-Esprit.